Kaos Hates Everybody

I would like to apologize first hand, before anyone reads this post. I’m very angry and confused, so this post may seem like one big incomplete rant. This weekend is a new year supposedly; instead it feels like the same shit times 2. Every time I try to be positive and optimistic, it feels like God throws a big gigantic rock in the way. I am just tired of a lot of people in my life and feeling unappreciated.

I wake up this morning feeling semi-good, only to be knocked back to reality with the sounds of my sister and mother going into round 2 of their WWF match, I guess they didn’t get enough of each other yesterday. So, I call my best friend L.J (click here), and she agrees to come pick me up within 45 minutes. Just my fucking luck that my dad and his nephew (my cousin) are trying to fix the bathroom sink, by installing some bootleg faucet, so much for taking a hot shower. I attempt to go into kitchen while WW3 is going on and dampen my towel so I can wash up at least. I finish washing up in my room, ironing my clothes on my bed, by this point I just feel overwhelmed and still dirty (I HATE taking wash-ups). A hour passes L.J still hasn’t shown up, she calls and says she will be here an hour or so later than she originally planned. Three hours later she calls telling me about how confused she is about the relationship between her and the guy I can’t stand anymore at this point. She goes on and on asking me for advice about what she should do. I interrupt her and asks is she still coming to get me, she beings to ramble about this is and that, so I knew that meant no. I wanted to call her a lot of names and curse her out, but instead I just politely told her I was going to sleep and call me later.

It’s now 6:24 P.M. on a Friday night and I’m heated. I basically got dressed for nothing, just to sit around and wake up to realize I’m babysitting my niece, without being asked first. I’m just tired of selfish ass people in my life, my mom, sister, and so-called friends. I am always the person everyone comes to when they have problems or issues, but when I have my own issues nobody is there for me. I am always the one everyone depends on to get important things done. I am a good friend, good son, and a good brother, but nobody appreciates shit that I do. L.J pissed me off the most. I just hate how blind and selfish she is when she is in a relationship. She puts that nigga before anyone and ditches me every chance she gets.

Fuck New Years Eve tomorrow, I’m staying my black ass home and getting drunk by my damn self. I might as well anyway, no man, and no “real” friends”. For once I would love to be someone’s priority and have someone care for me, the way I care for everyone else. It really would have been nice if I could have spent New Years Eve with someone special, I guess that’s like asking for rain in a desert. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I don’t know what to do.

Gay It Forward: Hot Flaming Cheetos

Welcome to another week of Gay It Forward. Gay It Forward is just a weekly post, dedicated to gay men and gay people period, where advice comes from the best possible source, YOU.

Gay men are like condoms, they come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and flavors. You have your homothugs, Abercrombie & Bitches, DL's, bears, twinks ( I don't know what that means, just see it on porn sites), straight "acting", and your classic Effeminate and Masculine gay men. It's all about a matter preference, as Alex of Noah's Arc said, "Some men like their men with a tank full of sugar."


It's Saturday night and you have been talking to Freaky-Bi-Nature online for about 2 weeks. He has sent you a picture and you like what you see. He tells you he is a masculine kat and is just looking to chill with another masculine dude. You two decide to meet at your apartment at 10 P.M. sharp. You shower and put on your sexiest boxer briefs. It's 9:58 P.M. and you hear the doorbell ring. You open the door and to your horror, only to be greeted by a Flaming Queen.

Do U:

A) Open and slam the door in his face
B) Let him in and fake sick, forcing him to leave
C) Invite him in and try to get to know him, even though he may not be your type


What's A Gay To Do?

We Need A Resolution

It will be 2006 in only a matter days and 2005 will be no more. 2005 has been an unforgettable year, thanks to the likes of:

Hurricane Katrina

Kanye West's famous rant

The emergence of Noah's Arc

Mariah's Comeback

Karrine "Superhead" Steffans

Hip Hop Is Dead- Shake That Laffy Taffy
Candy Shop
Hoe Sit Down
Mike Jones, Mike Jones, Mike Jones

Horrible Television- Being Bobby Brown (Crack is wack)
Ultimate Hustler

Award Shows- VMA's, Vibe, all those bitches

Good Television-Series Finale of Six Feet Under

I'm Locked Up- Lil Kim and Cassidy

Fresh to Deaf- Foxxy Brown

You'll Never Find a HairLine Like Mine- Mary J. Blige

Mr. Whoop That Trick Terrence Howard- I see an Oscar coming

December 15, marked the 1 year anniversary of my graduation from college and I have yet to do anything with my hard earned degree. I still work at the same job performing the same ol 2 step, all this shit is about to STOP. I am not big on making New Year's resolutions, because my attitude is always same-shit-different-year, but I'm trying to be optimistic this year.

• Get an apartment
• Get my master's
• Get my driver's license (sad I know)
• Branch out of my comfort zone
• Focus on me, me, me ,me
• Grow my hair back out
• Get a new job
• Get some culture
• Get my mind right
• Offer my services to the community
• Travel more
• GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!

I don't think those are unrealistic resolutions, but I guess we will see what happens.
What's your New Year's Resolution?

Malik 4 Maurice

Match.com, Blackvoices.com, and Yahoo Personals just to name a few are some of the leaders of the online dating trend, which seems to have grown even bigger over the past couple of years. I don't know if this assumption is correct or not, but just hypothetically speaking, online dating seems to be the number 1 way to meet other gay men. I don't think its the best way, but it certainly seems to be the most popular way of dating in the gay community.

I remember back in the day, you could find me on any given day in the Blackplanet Gay chatroom (Blackplanet use to be the shit in college). In August of this year I started blogging thanks to a friend of mine, and I must say I have met a lot more genuine people on here, than any chatroom. I swear blogging is like the new Blackplanet. Last week, I was feeling pretty restless one night, so out of boredom and against my better judgment I created a Adam4Adam profile. I had a profile on there previously earlier this year, but the whole experience got kind of old, but when your bored, what can ya do?

This time when I created my profile, I also uploaded my picture, and I must say the response was not what I expected. What a difference having a picture can make. A couple of days later (after they approved my picture) I begin to receive messages on a regular basis. The first few days it felt good to get emails that said I was attractive, cute, or whatever, but now I feel I'm right back where I started, and I'm bored and irritated with this so called online dating. Sometimes I have to seriously ask myself, DO GAY MEN DATE ANYMORE? I can't see myself just having sex with some random kat from the internet. Every email I get now, is either some guy with his ass cheeks spread who's profile reads, "Not into Games" followed by "Only looking for other DL Niggas" or emails from guys who have limited vocabulary who only know how to introduce themselves by short emails that simply read "Sup."

It's been almost 2 weeks since I have been on Adam4Adamn, and I have yet to find anyone I'm mutually interested in, its almost like trying to find a needle in a GAYSTACK. I guess I have to accept the fact that internet dating is not for me. I would much rather meet a dude on more normal terms anyway or just out and about by chance, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Scared Straight

I will be the first to admit, I love porn. I like the black, nasty, raw, sweaty ones especially. The other day I was practicing a little self love, relieving some stress. Once reaching my peak, I cleaned up and begin to put all and any evidence away. It's always the one time you forget to eject the porn out of the DVD player, your friends wanna surprise you and watch a DVD. I opened up my CD booklet with my collection of Adult DVD's, and inserted my flick of the day back in its place. I begin to flip through my little book of fun, looking at all the movies I had collected over the years, Chasing The Big Ones, BootyTalk #24, Something About Jack,and Freak , Flows, and Hoes. I realized my porn collection lacked any variety or fetishes. They were all black and straight, with the exception of two gay flicks. I'm not big on gay porn at all, especially. LESBIAN girl on girl action. Lesbian porn freaks me out a little bit to be honest with all the fingering, poking, and jabbing,which brings me to 1994.

As Big Dee Dee would say, The Year:1994, The Place: Northside of St.Louis, Age:12. It was the beginning of a typical Monday night, as my mom gathered her exercise mat and bottled water, and prepared for her weekly aerobics class. My little sister and I sat in the kitchen completing our homework, as my mom rushed from room to room, attempting to be on time for a change. As she prepared to leave she called us to the front room as she stood in the doorway. We knew she was about to lecture us on the safety of staying home alone. My dad often worked nights so we were left home alone on more than one occasion. "Don't open this door for anybody, I don't care who it is. Even if its your Aunt Grace." she said, right before she left and hugged us one by one. My little sister and I raced to the window and peeked out the blinds, watching and waiting until she drove off. Once out of sight, we ran to the kitchen and rushed through the last of our homework.

Earlier that evening my mom brought us home a new VHS tape, and we couldn't wait to watch it. Once we completed our homework we quickly went into the T.V room and plopped down on the couch. I picked up the tape from the VHS rack, and excitedly ripped the shiny plastic off the cover box. I proceeded to put the tape in the VCR, but the tape wouldn't go in. Apparently there was already a tape in there, so I ejected it. I looked at the tape and saw the title read Black & Ghouly. "Ooohh", I said, "This sounds like a scary movie. You wanna watch this instead?" "I don't wanna watch a scary movie." my little sister said. "It'll be fun." I replied. I put the tape back in and pressed rewind. We listened and waited for the tape to stop and I pressed play. I turned off the lights excitedly, to get the extra affect of being scared.

The movie started and the words Black & Ghouly popped up on the screen with green slimy text. We watched the movie intensely as the opening scene began with a black woman with an afro coming out of a kitchen in her bath robe. She suddenly gets a knock at the door and another woman with an afro walks in. They sit on the couch and begin to talk, as the one woman begins to undo the other woman's robe. Eventually they both end up fully naked, and my little sister and I are watching in horror as one of the women begin to eat the other woman's big black hairy coochie. "Oh my god," I said. Mamas a lesbian. My little sister begin to cry. The camera goes up even closer and we can see the slob from the other woman's mouth on the lady's coochie, dripping wet. The loud sound of a car door slamming wakes us up out of the state of shock. Mama's home! I hurrily stopped the tape and turn the lights back. My mom walks through the door as me and my little sister look at her in disbelief. "What's wrong with ya"ll?" she asks. "Nothing were fine," I reply as I get up.

That night scarred me for life. I have been scared straight and only been able to enjoy straight porn every since that terrifying night in 1994. Its a very painful memory.

In case your wondering, we found out later that the tape belonged to my dad. Don't Ask.

Gay It Forward: ASSume The Position

Everyone has their sexual limits or do they?

Your on a date with a very attractive and sexy guy. Dinner is great, conversation is good, and your looking nice and feeling naughty. One thing leads to another and you two end up back at his apartment. You begin to kiss, grope, and rip each others clothes off. Both of u fall on the bed, as he turns over on his stomach and you begin kiss him from his neck and lick a trail down to top of his ass. He then begins push his ass in the air and wiggle it, secretly signaling to you that he wants you to toss his salad. You are face to face with his ass, do u:

A) Add some dressing and toss that salad
B) Kindly give his ass a smack and a quick kiss
C) Tell him hell-to-the-nah, and u only eat salad with a fork.

Is tossing the salad out of the question or negotiable?

Breakup To Makeups

Monday my best friend (click here) called to inform me that she and her boyfriend of a couple of months had broken up. Me. being the good friend I am, offered my support and a shoulder to cry on. Wednesday my best friend whom I will call L.J, came over and we talked about the breakup and what went wrong. L.J ask me did I think she invested too much too soon. For some reason, its always odd to me that my friends come to me for advice about dating and sex. For one, I have never really been in love, Secondly, I am not dating or seeing anyone at the moment, and Third, I'm not even having sex. Sometimes I wonder why my friends listen to my advice at all considering I don't have much experience in the relationship department. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I give pretty good advice just based on my common sense, so beep beep. I know me personally, I wouldn't take medical advice from a doctor with no credentials, so why take love advice from a person with no track record?

Gay It Forward: Bananas and Peaches

I have been going through some changes with this blog and I have come to a decision. I would like to make this blog a little bit less about me and a little bit more about you, so with that said I am starting a new weekly post entitled Gay It Forward. Gay It Forward is sort of my community service for the gay community. I will not be giving advice but rather just posing questions, the advice will come from you all.. Hopefully the advice given from the different readers will help other newbie gays (such as myself) and gays period along their road of fabulousness, love, sex and life.

The Approach

Straight people have the luxury of assuming every male likes pussy and every female likes dick. Being gay you don't have the luxury of assuming the cute dude across the street likes dick. The only time you can really assume that the cute guy across from you likes dick, is in a gay setting, and that's sometimes even dubious.

Your shopping in the grocery store and you end up in the produce section. Your thinking about buying some bananas as you pick up one and inspect it. You look up and notice there is a very cute guy in front of you, checking out the pomegranates. You want to approach him, but your not sure if he is gay, DL, bi, or straight.
How do u approach men that you are not sure are gay? Is there a signal, a password, a secret hand shake?

Breathe Me

Music- Breathe Me by Sia

I typically use this post to rant and complain and to just voice my opinion. I was looking back at a few of my original post and was surprised and disappointed at how negative they were. I realized that I complain ....a lot even sometimes, and some people can view that as negativity.

I pride myself on being optimistic and positive, but to be honest I get tired of hearing myself complain about things I can not control. When you think about it, are we even in control of our lives? We can make all the plans we want, but plans can fall through. I would like to believe everything happens for a reason, everyone has their own destiny and fate. My mom still says to this day, "Life is what you make it." Life is all about risks and taking chances, but I think I'm just afraid of failing and falling flat on my face. When your young, your taught that life is suppose to be about fun and exploring. But what happens when you are a grown ass man? You become cautious and learn that you can fail, and life becomes less fun and more scary, but to be honest I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of treading the water, I'm ready to jump in head first and just simply LIVE.

We are human, we make mistakes. Mistakes are what make us who we are, they shape our fate and lives. I realized that is the reason I am probably single and I hate my job, because I don't take enough chances or allow myself to try something new without the fear of making mistakes. Its so easy and convenient to sit back and complain, and never really take action. I realize now that if I live my life on the same path that I am on now, I will never take a chance on love or life. If you think about it, if we never got off the same straight and narrow path, we wouldn't be able to enjoy life to the fullest, fall in love, or maybe even become the people we are today. So with that said, let the games begin.