Kaos Hates Everybody

I would like to apologize first hand, before anyone reads this post. I’m very angry and confused, so this post may seem like one big incomplete rant. This weekend is a new year supposedly; instead it feels like the same shit times 2. Every time I try to be positive and optimistic, it feels like God throws a big gigantic rock in the way. I am just tired of a lot of people in my life and feeling unappreciated.

I wake up this morning feeling semi-good, only to be knocked back to reality with the sounds of my sister and mother going into round 2 of their WWF match, I guess they didn’t get enough of each other yesterday. So, I call my best friend L.J (click here), and she agrees to come pick me up within 45 minutes. Just my fucking luck that my dad and his nephew (my cousin) are trying to fix the bathroom sink, by installing some bootleg faucet, so much for taking a hot shower. I attempt to go into kitchen while WW3 is going on and dampen my towel so I can wash up at least. I finish washing up in my room, ironing my clothes on my bed, by this point I just feel overwhelmed and still dirty (I HATE taking wash-ups). A hour passes L.J still hasn’t shown up, she calls and says she will be here an hour or so later than she originally planned. Three hours later she calls telling me about how confused she is about the relationship between her and the guy I can’t stand anymore at this point. She goes on and on asking me for advice about what she should do. I interrupt her and asks is she still coming to get me, she beings to ramble about this is and that, so I knew that meant no. I wanted to call her a lot of names and curse her out, but instead I just politely told her I was going to sleep and call me later.

It’s now 6:24 P.M. on a Friday night and I’m heated. I basically got dressed for nothing, just to sit around and wake up to realize I’m babysitting my niece, without being asked first. I’m just tired of selfish ass people in my life, my mom, sister, and so-called friends. I am always the person everyone comes to when they have problems or issues, but when I have my own issues nobody is there for me. I am always the one everyone depends on to get important things done. I am a good friend, good son, and a good brother, but nobody appreciates shit that I do. L.J pissed me off the most. I just hate how blind and selfish she is when she is in a relationship. She puts that nigga before anyone and ditches me every chance she gets.

Fuck New Years Eve tomorrow, I’m staying my black ass home and getting drunk by my damn self. I might as well anyway, no man, and no “real” friends”. For once I would love to be someone’s priority and have someone care for me, the way I care for everyone else. It really would have been nice if I could have spent New Years Eve with someone special, I guess that’s like asking for rain in a desert. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I don’t know what to do.