Karma is A Big Fat Bitch......Literally

Karma [ kärm ] n.-

1. Hinduism & Buddhism The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of the person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny.


2. Fate; destiny.


3. Informal A distinctive aura, atmosphere, or feeling

Ok so I'm not the nicest person in the world, but I'm damn sure not the meanest. I give blood, donate to charities, give money to the hobos and homeless hanging out at the local white castles, give free consultations to the young'ns at my job on how to dress fresh to deaf like me, and besides that I try to please and cheer everyone up. Where has this got me? Ummmmm..not far. I could write a 50 page letter on what's wrong with my life and the bad luck I have had, but I won't and can't for the simple fact it could always be worse.

Yesterday I went to dinner with some old friends from college (feels weird to say that), and we were just shooting the shit talking about old times. Some how we got on the subject of this guy whom I will call......Cotton..he just reminds me of Cotton Candy, pink and soft. I had a class with him and let's just say he was larger than life,bossy, mean, bad attitude,bitchy, confrontational, and a drama queen. Somehow we ended up on the same production team in the class ( the class was an award presentations class). He really made the whole experience unforgettable. I wanted to knock him the fuck out more than once.

(Digression is my downfall sorry) Last nite at dinner I find out that this bitch got a full scholarship to NYU for grad school...WTF!!!??!! I just don't get it, how and why do the meanest & most undeserving people always seem to get what they want? I know ..I know..I know, life isn't fair...but that's some bullshit..whatever happened to Karma and Kismet? I guess Cotton ate it.......

Three's A Crowd

Ok, just when I was about to stop complaining about being single...I get more reasons to complain about it. All my friends as of lately have recently become involved in some sort of relationship, whether it's romantic or sexual. When we go out, it's usually in couples now. Im beginning to feel like the odd man out.

I feel like a man who has one testicle and all the girls wanna fuck him out of pity.

I feel like Jada Pinkette at the Ozz Fest, I just don't fit in.

I feel like a pair of Payless Pro Wings ( Ya'll remember those, stop fronting) in a room full of Prada shoes.

I feel like Martha Stewart at The Source Awards, I don't belong here.

I feel like The Tyra Banks Show, Im about to be cancelled.

This may sound like low self esteem but its really not...Ok maybe it is....But at least I express it the healthy way by eating Chinese food and watching re-runs of Mama's family.

Black People.....Gotta Love Us

Today I had a thought, what if I wasn't black. I know a lot of black people, including myself, complain about other black people, being too ghetto, but I know when I go out of town or some suburban area, I actually kind of miss the cars beating, the local refer man, and NeNe yelling down the street for her kids LaVante and Dasani Moet to get in the house. I love being a black man. I love being African American.I can honestly say there is no other race like us.

Ask & U Shall Receive

Woke up this morning feeling great, trying to shake last nite's weird dreams out of my head. Something about Fiona Apple, details are fuzzy....wait...nevermind..still fuzzy...My dick protruding through my drawz, so I know what time it is. Empty house and a full jar of vaseline (How do some of u kats handle ya biz wit no lube? Ouch!), means a lot of fun . My porn collection is growing rather nicely, I must say. I usually get bored with them once I memorize every position they fuck in. Im still trying to learn about this Chi-Town pimp kat, I heard about *wink*

Anywayz after Im done spending quality time with myself, gotta get up get out, n do something. Head to a little piece of hell I like to call work. Get there a little early so I flip out my sidekick and hop on IM (im bored). Guess who's online the infamous NAS (not the rapper). NAS is a guy who I have been talking to for like 5 years online and off, we haven't met face to face yet. We exchange sup's and he proceeds to ask me when I am coming to see him....I say October. Im going to New York in Oct, but its not to see him, I haven't decided whether or not im going to meet him yet. We talk for a little while longer, and he starts talking some bull about missing me. I guess I would miss me too if I was tricking tricks and turning tricks with every trick from New York to Jerz.

Yesterday I asked does love find u or do u find it, I hope this isn't it.

Just Me

Sorry I don't have any poems or inspirational quotes. I don't read history books or artsy literatures, so unfortunately it's just me today. Its been a pretty boring week, almost draining. I didn't think 23 would be such a difficult age, but I was wrong. I really hate my job, its very unfulfilling. I have a fucking college degree, there is no way I should be working at this place. The job economy sucks, putting in resumes left and right, still no luck as of yet, but I haven't totally lost hope as of yet.

To top things off, IM single and starting to hate it. I actually get a little lonely now, and it drives me crazy when I have to hear my friends go on and on about this guy or girl they met.This week it seems like everybody has begun to fall in love, meet love, find love, or at least find a bootycall. IM a strong person so not many things can get to me, but its like everywhere I look, there's a couple, and its just a constant reminder to me when IM sitting home alone, because my friends are all out with their significant others. Does love find u or do u find it? Hell if I know! All I know is that it is time to refurbish my heart.

Extra Sweet 16

Monday nights is one of my favorite t.v nights, thanks to MTV. My guilty pleasure is a show called My Super Sweet 16, and boy was it extra sweet last night.

His name is Bjorn .
When I watched the previews last week, I couldn't tell whether or not it was a boy or a girl, but suprisingly he is male. He considers himself one of the best dressed people in the world and a DIVO, I guess him and Kanye would have a lot in common. I didn't know an Eddie Bauer Fit and a Chanel bag (which is his most prized possession) could go so well together. It gets gayer (is that a word?), he decided to have his party in the mall and also put on a fashion show, with all his pink friends. In the end this kid got a BMW. I swear this kid looks like a cross between Tracy Chapman and one of ur fellow bloggers....hhhhmmmm.... To be continued in the meanwhile ...check this out

Guess Who

i.Candy Friday

i.Candy----->Idris Elba
Actor

Addiction

Hi my name is Kaos, and I'm an addict.

I'm addicted to a lot of things, reality t.v, expensive jeans, starbucks, TiVo,, and even lately Will and Grace (that shit is hella funny). But more recently, porn.

Not skinimax, subtle, dry humping porn, but the good ol black, nasty, raw dawg, sweaty ones. I know everybody watches porn, but I don't think everybody appreciates it like me. U have to appreciate the porns that leave out the cheesy setup and dialogue and get straight to the fucking. Brian Pumper and Mr. Marcus are like my top two, those kats are hella nasty, u gotta love it. I'm not too big on gay porn, but I will pop one off to Enrique Cruz every once in awhile.

I can barely beat off now without having some visual stimulation. To the readers who may be reading this, saying, "Eeewwww he nasty!" Ya damn right. My thoughts are in the gutter today so I won't be sayng too much aloud. Lack of or no sex will do that to u.



Brian Pumper

Mr. Marcus

A Little Birdie

Yesterday started off as a typical day at work. I had my monkey suit on, had a fresh haircut, fresh shave, and I was ready to get the day over with as soon as possible(I really love my job). To make matters worse the wicked witch of "The Hood" and the wicked witch of "The Suburbs" were both managing that night. So I'm standing there at work, working o so hard, checking my email on my phone, looking up occasionally to add a mark to my I- WOULD-FUCK-HIM list (I-WOULD-FUCK-HIM is just a game I play when I'm bored, basically just adding a mark everytime I see a hot guy I would fuck, gotta do something to pass the time, I could just do my job...............nah too easy).


Is it just me, or does having a crush on someone in the workplace, make the day go by so much faster? So I'm standing there and a little birdie comes up to me, and we are talking, and somehow we get on the subject of my crush. Maybe crush is the wrong word, I just think he has sex appeal. Now I'm not sure if he is gay or not, but I get a feeling he might be, he is just a tad bit too pretty and sometimes we lock eyes. Digression is my downfall ( I apologize), but a little birdie told me he gave his girlfriend a perm, this might be silly, but for a gay man like myself, this is a sign,. I noticed awhile back, his hair was a little straight with slight waves, I guess he O.D on the S.Curl Kit, because that shit hardly looks natural. Also I begin to notice his eyes, he wears contacts, the color ones (but nothing extreme or that noticeable), but then the little birdie also said he was wearing some light grey ones one day. As I'm taking all this in, my attraction for him is dwindling, fading, spiraling down like Ashanti's career, because he is sounding too much like Lil' Kim before she had the operations.

I am probably one of the most confused black gay males on the planet. I feel like I don't even know how to be gay, everything is still new to me, and I'm still learning the ropes. The whole D.L world really fascinates me and puzzles me at the same time. I still have not had a chance to read J.L King's book, but from what I hear a million other readers have, because he just bought a new house in Atlanta (Sausage City), go figure.


Maybe someone can help me out, how do u go about meeting another gay male in public?
What are the signs someone of the same sex is interested in you?
How can u spot these D.L brothas?

i.Candy Friday

i.Candy----->Daniel Sunjata
Actor

Why???

It was hot as balls today got damn! I hate riding the bus, especially in the city. It's always so ghetto and crowded, with Tee-T and Shaniqua talking and cursing loud in front of the elders, Lil' Dashan blowing the smoke of his square in everybody's face, and Pam letting her two bad ass kids Alize and Moet play in the traffic of the buses. I have been on the bus for a minute, due to the fact I still don't have a license,and in that time I have seen alot. Luckily when I ride the bus I always have my ipod, so I usually tune everyone out. Riding the bus really gives you time to think. Today as I rode the bus, I begin to ponder alot of questions.

• Why do black people always use that purple velvet Crown Royal bag as a purse or coin pouch?
• Why do white girls with no ass,love handles, and a gut insist on wearing low rider jeans?
• Why do the cashiers at Walmart have such bad attitudes? It's not my fault u work at Walmart.
• Why does BET have to make a bootleg version of every MTV show ( Real World=College Hill, Making The Band=Blowing Up Fatty Koo, Making The Video=Access Granted, TRL=106 & Park, VMA's=BET Awards)?
• Why is Blogging like the new Blackplanet?
• Why is every black girl or woman in St.Louis rocking the 5 dollar sequined asian slippers from the beauty supply store?
• Why every kat wanna have braids and be afrocentric now that I cut my braids off?
• Why is the basic uniform for every black male in the hood a white tee and a pair of girbauds?
• Why do white people wear shorts in the winter time?
• Why does every rapper or singer have a show on UPN?
• Why does Lisa Raye think she can act?
• Why does every five-year old know Mike Jones' phone number, but not their own??
  
• Why the hell does Jude Law's penis have to be so small? Ruined the fantasy for me...damn
• Why am I working a mediocre job and I have a college degree?
• Why do black gay males on sites like adam4adam.com and aol profiles, always have to use the played out term,"no fats no fems"?
• Why does Jay-Z look like Joe Camel?
• Why does Tavis Smiley have his own talk show on PBS, when he can barely say two words without stuttering?
  
• Why Khia Why????

I Heart N.Y

I finally did it, I bought a plane ticket to New York. New York is a place I have been wanting to visit since I was 12 and I am finally going. Im not leaving till October, but I am still amped.

I have one problem though, I am going with my best friend and I am not officially "out" to her. The dilemma is I met this guy on the net like 5 years ago, and we still talk to this day, but we haven't met face to face, and we decided that we would when I come to N.Y. I don't know what Im going to do yet, Im thinking I shouldn't meet him and just enjoy N.Y while im there, either way im happy. Dude been pissing me off more often than usual, so that's why its so easy for me to fall back and be easy. Im so looking forward to blending in with the fast pace of New York, seeing the diversity, sky scrapers, rude cabbies, and buying some hot clothes. Seeing some fine kats would be nice too, from what I hear the dudes out that way are very forward, :) daddy likes!

Caption This

VMA Wrap Up Quickie

• Whoever suggessted Diddy as a host should be fired.

• Whoever put the S-Curl texturizer wave kit in Diddy's hair....fired A.S.A.P

• Hilary Duff ur starting to look like seabiscuit with ur new set of teeth

• R.Kelly u could have stayed at home with Rufus and Chuck

• Oliver a.k.a Olivia u have one good damn surgeon.

• Mariah do u have a bad nerve in ur hand...damn

• Omarion...Trapped in the closet 10-15

• Jamie Foxx u are not Ray Charles

• Paris Hilton, can't wait to hear ur album????

Ski Trip

I know I just started this blog, but im already having a hard time trying to update it frequently and on the regular, so I apologize to my one or two followers.

As you all may know, there is a new channel dedicated to gays and lesbians, called LOGO which is affiliated with MTV, so no wonder it is edited. Recently I watched a movie called Ski Trip( produced by Maurice Jamal )on there, which is being called "the first truly black gay movie". I don't know how true that is, but the movie was "aight", but it took alot of will power for me to restrain myself from saying "hated it". It wasn't true to my nature as a black gay man, but I will give Mr. Maurice Jamal his props for putting us out there.