Gay It Forward: Old Dog, New Tricks

Idris Elba-33 years old

I remember being in 8th grade and having the biggest crush on my computer teacher Mr.Brown. He had to be at least in his early 30's at the time. He was about 6ft tall, brown eyes, skin the color of cocoa butter, and big feet.

There is just something about older men that I find very appealing and refreshing. I may be wrong about this, but it seems to me, it might be ("might be" being the operative phrase)easier to date an older man as opposed to a younger one. Let's be real, men in their twenties including myself are still searching and exploring, trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. By the time most men hit 30, they are pretty sure of who they are, or at least who they aren't. The mind games tend to stop, or at the least die slowly.......hmmmm..well I don't know if the games ever stop for anyone, but we can dream.

Right now, I really can't see myself dating someone younger than me. I'm only 23, but I look at dudes who are 21 and under as kids ( I know, like I'm so grown right). I am truly looking for that grown man sexy swagger. Young guys (18-21) are cute to look at, but that's where it stops.

Would you date someone 10 years older than you? What age is too old for you?

Conceited? Confident? or Convinced?

I don't even know what to think about this cover. I really just think its for record sales and more controversy, not to mention the Grammys are coming up. So let's feed into the controvery, that is KanyeWest. What do you all think about this cover of Kanye West as Jesus?

Nobody Said It Was Easy

It's only the middle of the week, but it feels like Friday. My body feels overworked and my brain is on a mental pause. It's been a pretty rough week. Sunday after work, I went out to dinner with my family and friends, which is always cool. One of my friends at dinner let me know that she finally graduated from school ( we hadn't seen in each other in a minute) and that she was going to have her first day teaching 1st grade on Monday. Everyone at the table commented on how they were so proud of her including myself. Then another friend of mine discussed how he was going to be enrolling in the radiology program in the fall, everyone commended him on his efforts (including myself again). It was at that moment, as I sat in my uniform at the dinner table surrounded by my closest friends and family, everyone is making plans and moving forward with their lives, except for me.

My feelings from Sunday, carried over into Monday. It's like everywhere I turned, there was a reminder of what my life has become or not become. As arrived at the metro link station to wait for my connecting bus, I walked over to sit down on one of the benches. I took a sit and when I looked over to the right of me I was looking dead into the ad for the radio station I interned at last year, which is one of the places I thought I would be working at today. *Sigh* Then as I get up to walk around to keep from freezing to death, an empty Pepsi can hits my foot. When I worked at the radio station, I would do a lot of live remotes and Pepsi was the main sponsor. *Sigh* Finally my bus arrives, but before I am able to get on the bus, an older lady jumps in front of me and eagerly greets me, I remember her instantly from the bus I use to ride faithfully when I was in college. We exchanged pleasantries as I pull my coat closer together to cover up my uniform. I feel like crap by the time I arrived to work on Monday.

I am not use to feeling like the under achiever. I am use to being on honor roll and receiving awards and plaques for my academic achievements. I am use to being praised by my mom and dad for being such a good son. Now all I hear is, "When are you moving out?", "When are you going to get a real job?" I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I don't know if I'm coming or going. I am not where I thought I would be at 23, at all. I don't like being depressed about this, but its hard. I wanna be happy, but I don't know how to.

Best Week Ever

And You Thought Crack was Wack? I'm pretty sure these CrackHeads would tell you differently.

Todd Bridges is doing a Different Stroke..literally..on Skating with Celebrities.

Bobby Brown is rumored to be back with New Edition and going on tour with SWV.

Flava Flav is still milking his 15 mins back in the limelight, with his 3rd reality show, The Flavor of Love.




Have A Good Weekend Ya'll!

A Damn Shame!!

U Ain't Gots Ta Lie Craig..U Ain't Gots Ta Lie!

The Internet is often called the information highway, but for some people its nothing more than a cyber playground to create different identities for themselves. It's so easy to deceive someone via the Internet. You may think you are talking to a chick, who claims to be Half Black/Asian, 5 foot 6, 130 lbs, long hair to the middle of her back, and hazel green eyes, but in reality your talking to a chick, who is Black, 5 foot 3, 230 lbs, with hazel green contacts, and hair so short she has to roll it up with rice, and to top it off "SHE" could really be a "HE".

Lies, Lies, Lies, the lies people tell on the Internet. From my experience, it seems gay men probably as well as straight men share some of the same lies. Go to any websites, such as Adam4Adam or Men4Now, chances are you will hear a lot of the same repetitive and recycled lies. I decided to compile a list of the most common lies men tell over the Internet.

Lie--I am 25 years old.

Truth--I am 35 years old, but people tell me I have a baby face.

Lie--I am a vers TOP.

Truth--I am a strict bottom, but I fucked my first girlfriend once when I thought I was straight.

Lie--I am Black and Latino. (Remember on Blackplanet how they made you choose your nationality? I swear, every Negro on there, was mixed with either Asian or Latino)

Truth--I'm BLACK, African American, A Negro, Colored..Etc and I have a S Curl kit in my hair..

Lie--I am a dancer/choreographer.

Truth--I'm a stripper/unemployed.

Lie--I live with my roommate.

Truth--I live with my Mama.

Lie-I'm single.

Truth--I am on the DL and live with my wife and 3 kids.

Lie--I promise I'll warn you before I cum.

Truth--My bad, did it get in your eye?

Lie--I'm a Masseuse.

Truth--I’m a hooker/escort.

Lie--My dick is 9 inches (For some reason, every man's dick seems to grow to 9 inches when talking on the internet).

Truth--Apply the rule of 3, that nigga's dick is 6 inches on a good day.

Back To New York

It's that time again. I'm planning my trip to go back to New York. I guess I am too anxious and geeked, oh well. The first time I went in October, was an experience to remember and I'll never forget. My first impression of New York was so disappointing, when I arrived at the empty, dungeon-like LaGuardia airport, and the cloudy gray weather didn't help either, but things quickly turned around. The whole trip went very well and I had hella fun.

I looked up the airfare for a flight from St.Louis to New York, and its $316.00 plus tax. I'm like damn, last time I only payed $200.00 dollars. I was hoping to spend most of my money on my feet and back, but I see I'm going to have to make some adjustments. This time my excitement and anticipation is multiplied times 10. For one, I get to stay in the city this time, we stayed in Queens during our last trip. Secondly, and old friend and some new friends are coming with me, so it should be very interesting. We are suppose to be staying at some hotel called The Cosmopolitan, which is in the Tribeca neighborhood. I also just realized that I will be there during the Tribeca Film Festival. I guess that could be a reason why my airfare is so much more expensive this time.

I'm trying to figure out some different places to go to as far as shopping and eating. I've done Cafeteria and The Pink Tea Cup. I also would like to go to a club, gay/straight, really doesn't matter. If there is anybody from NYC or familiar with NYC, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Also has anyone ever heard of or stayed atThe Cosmopolitan hotel? If so, what are your thoughts on it?

And, Where are The BOYS???

Cyclops Kitty

This is Cy (short for Cyclops). I was surfing the internet and came across this. it scared the shit out of me. This kitten was born on December 28, 2005,but died shortly after. He was born with only one big eye in the place where his nose should be. The owner of the cat has kept his dead body and put it in the freezer. It's kind of sad, but creepy as hell.

Read More..........

Vagina..Schmagina...

I fucking hate Monday’s and nobody fucks up a Monday like I do. This is 2006, a new year, so I’m trying to have new attitude and be more positive, but damn it’s hard, when you have days like I do.

As stated before, in a previous post, I am a cashier. Being a cashier you never know whom you are going to meet, therefore it is necessary to look your best at all times. After checking myself out in the mirror, I start my day on the express lane, which is the busiest lane. A few hours past, my day is going as well as can be expected, despite the fact that I am hella sick and not feeling well at all.My line is fairly long at this point and I notice a very handsome, sexy, dark skinned brother in my line. I recognize him instantly as a regular customer, whom I have had the biggest crush on for the longest. I don’t know if he is gay, straight, bi, or whatever, but for some reason I am drawn to him. So, he finally reaches the front of my line. I greet him and ask him the usual questions, plastic or paper? Blah blah ……etc. I try to make eye contact with him whenever the chance presents itself. This is where things went from okay to just plain and ridiculously embarrassing.

Sexy Ass Customer: Ummm..Can I get a pack of VirGINIA Slims?

Kaos: *I don’t smoke cigarettes at all, so I always have a hard time finding them*(Searching for the cigarettes) You said, VirGINA Slims right? (Fuck Me Sideways! Did I just say VirGINA???!)

Sexy Ass Customer: (Smirking and small chuckle) Yea

I was no good after that, all I could do was give him his groceries and force a small smile. No wonder I'm single. Maybe I should grow a mullet, buy a plaid flannel shirt, and go speak at the VAGINA monologues.

Shut Up Bitch!

The other night some friends and I went to what ghetto black people consider fancy, expensive, and high class, Red Lobster. We walk through the doors, where the two hosts standing at the front podium greet us. The first host was a little black girl who looked to be about 16 at least, with braces, wearing a long weave ponytail, standing next to her was a black guy a little on the healthy side (nothing wrong with that, I am a thick dude myself) who looked to be about 20 or 21 maybe. He wore a low hair cut which looked like it had 2 buckets of gel in it and when I looked closely at him, I could see he was wearing lip gloss of some sort, seeing this my gaydar immediately goes off. I greet them both hello as I walk closer to them. The male host quickly asks me, “How many in your party?” I respond, “Five.” Would you like smoking or non? “Non”, I reply. “What’s your name?” he asks. I tell him my last name as he scribbles down the information on his little notepad. “Thanks” I say as I go to sit down and wait with my other friends.

20 minutes later my friends and I are finally seated. We are all flipping through the menus trying to figure out what we want to eat, when the male host from earlier comes out of nowhere asking for our drink orders. He goes around the table one by one, and when he finally gets to me, he asks, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” I reply, “Not that I know of.” He gives me a little smirk and I say, “I’ll have a Dr.Pepper.” He leaves and comes back a few minutes later with our drinks and leaves again. Finally a waitress comes over and takes our order. We get our food, were drinking, talking, laughing, and having a nice dinner. By the time everyone is done with their food, the restaurant is pretty empty, since they are about to close in 30 minutes or so.

As my friends and I are sitting around conversing, the male host from earlier come back to our table with what looked like a new coating of lip gloss, and asks, “Is everything OK? Do ya’ll want some more to drink?” Everyone just shakes their head and says, “Nah we’re good.” The host then turns to me and asks, “You sure I don’t know you from somewhere?” I respond, “I’m sure.” Right before smacking his lips really loud, he then asks, “Do you know somebody named Tyrell or Jason? You ever been to FACES (which is a Gay club)?” I feel all eyes on me at the table, feeling really annoyed and uncomfortable at this point, I respond nonchalantly, “Nah.” He then goes on to say, “You look like this dude my friend use to talk to.” I respond, “I’m pretty sure we don’t know each other.” He then stares at me for a second,as if I am lying,and says, “Alright ya’ll have a nice night.” Once he is out of sight everybody starts laughing and joking about what just happened. I laugh nervously as we get our coats and pay our bill. What just happened? Was I just OUTED at Red Lobster???

Oh Brandy

Music: Brandy- Where You Wanna Be featuring T.I

Remember when Brandy was actually cute? Yea that does seem like a century ago. I Wanna Be Down use to be my shit when I was in the 7th grade. I am just really puzzled as to what is wrong with her these days. I am still a Brandy fan at heart. I am even one of the few that thinks Brandy hasn't fallen completely off, but damn, enough is enough. Somebody needs to organize an intervention and ask her what the fucks really good? You got dough, get ya wig fixed and hire a stylist, do something! I feel like Nettie from the Color Purple, “WHHYYY, WHHYYYY!” Why would you come out in public looking like Tito Jackson and ET’s lovechild, that shit just ain't right. Every picture I saw of her in 2005, she wore the same raggedy ass wig and the same constipated look on her face, hopefully 2006 will be different. I Love you Brandy, but stop the Shenanigans!!!

We Miss U!

Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself

My name is Koncious Kaos. Koncious Kaos represents the beautiful struggle that I battle and face everyday within myself, sorry if you thought it was something deeper. I look at a lot of blogs and can appreciate the amount of black, gay bloggers on here, ranging from lawyers, professional journalists, and students,working on there second Masters. I am just a normal dude, living life. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and I hold a B.A in Media Communications. My ultimate dream is to move to New York and work for HBO.

I have a bad habit of comparing my blog to the blogs of people I admire. I have been blogging since late August and one thing that blogging has taught me, is that I am not as good of a writer that I thought I was. In college I could type a term paper, essay, or report at the last minute and still somehow manage at least a B. I learned that writing about my feelings and life is harder than writing a 20-page term paper on the Regulation of Gene Expression via Activation of Neuronal Nicotinic Acetylcholine Receptors.

I am not a big fan of politics, I don’t read literary novels, I’m not a gay activist, I don’t write poems, and I thought Brandy’s last album Afrodisiac was superlative. So all I am left with is myself, my life, my struggles, my Koncious Kaos.