Nobody Said It Was Easy

It's only the middle of the week, but it feels like Friday. My body feels overworked and my brain is on a mental pause. It's been a pretty rough week. Sunday after work, I went out to dinner with my family and friends, which is always cool. One of my friends at dinner let me know that she finally graduated from school ( we hadn't seen in each other in a minute) and that she was going to have her first day teaching 1st grade on Monday. Everyone at the table commented on how they were so proud of her including myself. Then another friend of mine discussed how he was going to be enrolling in the radiology program in the fall, everyone commended him on his efforts (including myself again). It was at that moment, as I sat in my uniform at the dinner table surrounded by my closest friends and family, everyone is making plans and moving forward with their lives, except for me.

My feelings from Sunday, carried over into Monday. It's like everywhere I turned, there was a reminder of what my life has become or not become. As arrived at the metro link station to wait for my connecting bus, I walked over to sit down on one of the benches. I took a sit and when I looked over to the right of me I was looking dead into the ad for the radio station I interned at last year, which is one of the places I thought I would be working at today. *Sigh* Then as I get up to walk around to keep from freezing to death, an empty Pepsi can hits my foot. When I worked at the radio station, I would do a lot of live remotes and Pepsi was the main sponsor. *Sigh* Finally my bus arrives, but before I am able to get on the bus, an older lady jumps in front of me and eagerly greets me, I remember her instantly from the bus I use to ride faithfully when I was in college. We exchanged pleasantries as I pull my coat closer together to cover up my uniform. I feel like crap by the time I arrived to work on Monday.

I am not use to feeling like the under achiever. I am use to being on honor roll and receiving awards and plaques for my academic achievements. I am use to being praised by my mom and dad for being such a good son. Now all I hear is, "When are you moving out?", "When are you going to get a real job?" I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I don't know if I'm coming or going. I am not where I thought I would be at 23, at all. I don't like being depressed about this, but its hard. I wanna be happy, but I don't know how to.