Koncious Kaos

World World World Premiere:Monica- A Dozen Roses

2006-11-17T22:59:00.000-06:00

This is the second single from her album The Makings of Me. I actually like this song a lot. I actually like most of the songs from her new album. This video sucks though.

Why does Monica look like a busted Keyshia Cole in the first scene?
Why does Keyshia Cole look like a busted Keyshia Cole at every televisedevent, party, BET etc.
Who's idea was it to hire Marlo from The Wire as the sexy eye candy, when his eyes are on different sides of his face?
Why do people think all the ACTORS on The Wire are officially gangsta?
All you can afford is some Bacardi Limon, but you bragging about Gucci and your rims?

I'm not feeling it, I'm not feeling it!

Bitch Please!

2006-11-16T22:59:00.000-06:00

Miss Fergalicious Fergie wants ya'll know to know she CAN SING. She recently told Vibe Magazine:

I may not have the type of voice you like, but I can sing. You can't take that away from me, cause singing is a gift from God, and when people say I can't sing, it's kind of like insulting God.

Now granted Fergie you can sing, but BITCH PLEASE! when you wore those nasty dookie braids in the Black Eyed Peas, Pump It video you insulted more than just God!

IDLYITW

Justin Disses Janet?

2006-11-14T01:24:00.000-06:00

Timbaland has recorded a song for his new album The Thomas Crown Affair, which features Nelly Furtado and Justin Timberlake. Justin's verse is very interesting and seems to be directed towards Miss Janet Jackson. Janet spoke for the last time about her friendship with Justin on the Oprah show, which may have left J.T feeling a little salty. You be the judge!

Could you speak up and stop mumbling
I dont think you're even clear
When you're sitting on the top
it's hard to hear you from way up there.
I saw you tryin to act cute on TV
"Just let me clear the air."
We missed you on the charts last week
Damn that's right, you wasn't there

Now if sexy never left
then why is everybody on my shit
Don't hate on me just because
you didn't come up with it
So if you see us in the club
go on and walk the other way
Cause our run will never be over
not at least until we say

Spoiled Milkshake Anyone?

2006-11-14T00:48:00.000-06:00

Kelis recently did a show in New York and showed her ass literally. I guess she gotta sell records some how, because we all know she always comes out with a hot first single and then falls off until her next album is released.

Source

A Human CAMEL Toe

2006-11-09T00:58:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure how old this clip is, but I'm sure Beyonce would Ring the fucking alarm and take her Kitty Kat elsewhere if this shit was to happen now. (Not Safe For Work AT ALL!) CLICK HERE to see the human CAMEL toe.

Gay It Forward: Pocket Gay

2006-11-09T00:22:00.000-06:00

You have finally met the perfect guy, smart, handsome, funny, has a job, doesn't live with his momma, doesn't have a criminal record, and doesn't deem Red Lobster as high class eating (Black people don't act like you don't). He is basically everything you hoped for, there is just one problem....he is a Pocket Gay. A Pocket Gay is a homo who is 6 inches or more shorter than you, and he is so small, that you just wanna pick him up and put him in your back pocket.

I know some people say good/big things come in small packages, but let's face it some things are just small packages.... period. There is nothing wrong with being short, don't get me wrong, I know plenty of sexy short men, but when does height become an issue? I know me personally if I were 6'3, I would feel a little weird dating a man 5'5, I just want someone height compatible, not necessarily taller than me.

Is height ever a factor when looking for a suitable companion?

Would you ever date a Pocket Gay?

Pharrell-That Girl

2006-10-29T00:03:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite song off the album, right after the song Young Girl. The video is alright, nothing ground breaking. Brazilian -looking chicks with long hair in bikinis + the beach + Pair of BAPES + Skateboarding= A Pharrell video.

Almost Doesn't Count

2006-10-26T23:36:00.000-05:00

Brrrrrr...What happened to that girl? Everytime Brandy gets my hopes up, she has to ruin it by looking a Crispy Mess! Did you really look in the mirror and think, "Damn I look good?" NO NIGGA, U DIDN'T! I guess when you hang around the Williams brothers, Syrus and Vincent long enough, one could actually be tricked into thinking they really do look good when they really don't. I still LOVE this chick though, there is hope for her. Im hoping for a Mariahesque comeback for Brandy to be honest..I guess we will see. Brandy I can help you build up your account wit a good look, better yet a hood look, Let Me UPGRADE U, or let a stylist at least..damn...

Gay's Anatomy

2006-10-23T23:49:00.000-05:00

This news is a little late, but T. R Knight who plays Dr. George O'Malley on the show Grey's Anatomy, has confirmed he is gay.

Speculations and rumors surfaced after 33-year-old Knight became the reason for a fight between his co-stars Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey on October 9 when he arrived late on the sets. Washington was sounding off Knight and Dempsey tried to intervene.

Washington then barked at Dempsey, “I'm not your little faggot like (Knight).” He also lunged at Dempsey and held him by the throat. Though the name of the actor Washington referred to was held back to protect his identity in the newspaper that reported the incident, Knight later decided to own up before the rumors gathered momentum.

T.R Knight was not on my radar at all, but now that I look back at the scenes of him and the Hispanic chick ( I forget her name SORRY) it does look a little uncomfortable, but I love and still love T.R Knight, he sort of reminds me of ME, if u reaaallly knew me, u would understand lol. Rumor now is that Isaiah Washingston (Dr. Burke) may be fired from the show for his slur. I really don't know how I feel about that right now.

While we are on the subject of Grey's Anatomy, am I the only one who thinks Merideth Grey is a slut or a Mcslut in her case (bad joke I know)?

Who's Voice Is it Anyway?

2006-10-23T00:03:00.000-05:00

Everytime he opens his mouth, I see one of those fake-knock off, Beauty Supply store, Louis Vuitton bags fall out. I guess I can call him what I want, but I won't call him broke, he's on the grind.

What's The T

2006-10-19T23:02:00.000-05:00

Is blogging DEAD? It just doesn't feel the same anymore.
It's only October and I'm already thinking about my birthday in March. I will be 25, that feels so old to me, and besides that I will no longer be in the 18-24 or 21-24 box, but the 25-30 box instead. WHOA!
Twice this week I saw old classmates from college while at work. I work at a grocery store and to say I felt embarrassed is an understatement.
I am so jealous I didn't get a chance to go the Evisu Ball. Daaamn..Damn..Damn I hate Saint Louis.
After I pay my bills this week, I will literally be the best dressed, brokest nigga I know.
I am really feeling that song Young Girl by Pharrell, it reminds me of Pebbles mixed with Alexander O'Neal.
Who else was disappointed in the Noah's Arc finale and the fact it was only 8 episodes long?
I have a real-life Pimps Up Hoes Down situation on my block. A real pimp lives across the street from me..details to come later.
My little cousin (he's 18) came out to me and my other cousins the other day..maybe there is hope for me.
I miss New York.
I smell like SEX.
My sister is pregnant...again..by her jailbird, car thieving, drug selling babydaddy..DRAMA.
I am a little sad Michael didn't win Project Runway, he is still my favorite I'm-not-gay-but-my boyfriend-is Homo.
The other day I went to the library and a lovely librarian checked my books out. She was very friendly and even a little flirtatious. I got a lot of college graduate self-help guides to jobs books. She seemed thoroughly impressed..that is until she picked up a E. Lynn Harris book from my pile. She seemed really disappointed, as if all the good ones are either gay or married to white women, and I'm gay and sort of dating a Hispanic..maybe there is a little truth to it ..lol
I have nothing left to say, 14 just felt like an odd number to stop at..Bye Gir

Nip/Suck

2006-10-13T00:22:00.000-05:00

This is absolutely my favorite show in the world right now. I have been watching Nip/Tuck since earlier this year. The new season is the best one thus far, it has Sanaa Lathan, beastiality, Rosie O'Donell getting fucked on the carpet, Mario Lopez, and GAY GAY GAY scenes like this one. If you are not watching this show, you damn well should be.

Who's that GUY?

2006-10-10T23:45:00.000-05:00

Most of you all know Benjamin Patterson as the man stealing, psycho Guy. Who's famous for the words "You think your sorry now? Wait till I steal your man bitch!"

He really grew on me, when he turned into a fatal attraction. I got tired of him just smiling and being in the background saying 2 or 3 lines in each episode. His shining moment, was definitely when he came out in the little booty shorts to seduce Trey. He looked so damn good, he a brought a tear to my eye, I didn't realize it was gonna be so big. I knew then and there...*choking up* he was gonna be a star.

To listen and learn more about Benjamin Patterson check out his interview over at PinkMafiaRadio, as always Steve is giving us his insight and perspectives on Noah's Arc and giving us the latest news and interviews in Gay culture. The interview is worth listening to, just to hear Benjamin's voice.

World World World Premiere: Beyonce-Irreplaceable

2006-10-06T22:27:00.000-05:00

It's a good look, simple and fresh. Could have done with out the hair rollers clip, been done too many times, but I must say "I LIKE THIS!" OOooohh Yeaaay

Gay It Forward: GoldieCocks

2006-10-03T11:00:00.000-05:00

Small Ones, Medium, Grande Baby!

"AAAHHH your soo DEEP!" is something you wanna hear or say when you are in bed, as opposed to "Is it in yet?"

Dick is always put on pedestal, because people put so much emphasis on it, like its a person rather than an organ. U can look on any profile on Adam and the dude is almost 8 times out of 10 guaranteed to have the size of his dick posted on there. In the gay community especially, the size of the dick seems to be very important, the size queens will tell you, they only want dick 9 inches or longer.

Length isn't the only factor when it comes to dick, girth is also important. Thickness of the dick can make for some fun times. Length doesn't automatically equal girth and vice versa.

Some men are only on the hunt for big dicks, meanwhile others are on the search for the perfect dick. If its too big it can be painful, where as if its too small, it can feel like a pencil trying to erase yo ass. The right dick is just the right amount of thickness and length and will make you do things you never thought u would do, say shit you never thought u would say. The perfect dick will get you bodied and make u put on ur freakum dress and ring the fucking alarm ( ain't that right B?!)

So, I ask the age old question: Does size matter?

I'm Bringing SexyGAP..YEA!

2006-09-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

This sexy young man should look familiar to you all, his name is Jason Steed a.k.a Baby Gat. I just had to give this brother his own post, because his sexiness is so appealing I can't LET IT GO! He is truly bringing sex gaps back, because he definitely wears it well. Since Karamo has finally married,I am officially engaged to Mr. Baby Gat (in my head).

A blog/podcaster some of you may be sleeping on, PinkMafiaRadio, has an interview with Jason Steed that you can download on Itunes. He also gives great in depth reviews of Noah's Arc, which are really cool and funny to listen to.

*Quick Observation* Why are the seasons of Noahs Arc so short, it was barely 10 episodes? Next week is already the season finale..*sigh

Check out Jason Steed a.k.a Baby Gat Myspace page (u know I already have and he wrote me back!)

Kitty Kat

2006-09-26T22:44:00.000-05:00

"Kaos your afraid of the Kitty Kat!" My co-worker said, as a girl had just walked by and rather close to me I might add. She was so close I could smell her breath if I wanted to. My co-worker went on to say how I should have hopped on that and got her number. Number 1, I like Penis, my own and maybe urs if you are lucky. Number 2, I like penis. Number 3, the chick was a buttaface scallywag. So as my co-worker and I are having this discussion. My other co-worker whom I shall call Soul-Glo, because his hair is always greasy as hell, was walking by and my co-worker askes him, "You think Kaos is afraid of the The Kitty Kat?" Soul Glo, laughing a bit too hard,replies," I wouldn't doubt it!" Mind you I think Soul-Glo is gay him damn self. I don't give two shits that he does have a girlfriend. The over processed hair, contacts, and mascara, tell a different story, so I was immediately defensive that this bitch would try to call me out.

You are the biggest PUSSY I know, yet u are trying to call me out on my shit? Nah my brother it ain't even going down like that. Sad part is, no more than an hour later, was he back to his subtle, weird flirting with me.

Why do muthafuckas care what I do or who I am, if I am not fucking you, it's none of your damn business! My question to you all is:

Why do gay men feel the need to try and out other gay men? Mind you this kind of shit has happened BEFORE.

EVERYBODY'S a little GAY

2006-09-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

The other day on The View, Rosie O'Donell made a comment about Oprah and Gayle, saying they were in fact "a tiny bit gay". I actually think everybody is a little gay, whether it means your are bisexual or the thought of being with someone of the same sex has crossed your mind. As the saying goes, "Everybody is gay for at least 2.5 seconds of their life."

Through out my 24 years on this earth I have encountered some of the gayest straight males. One of these encounters was when I was about 12, it was with my 12 year old neighbor who lived up the street from me. We were friends, but he could be an asshole. We were very competitive and even played baseball for opposing teams. He was that kid on the block everyone knew not to fuck with and all the little girls liked. Oddly enough one day, we ended up kissing in my backyard (more than once I think). I saw him awhile ago and learned he has a baby and is living with his girlfriend. I guess he was confused or gay temporarily.

Another encounter was with a co-worker a few years ago. We became fast friends at work and for some reason our conversations always seem to focus on sex, porn and his sex life with his girlfriend. He would give me all the details about his sex life, without me ever asking. I never really knew what to say, so I would always just nod and say something funny. He and I even went to a Sex shop together, where we picked out a few movies among other things. We were boys, but it was just always a weird vibe. At the time I had braids and they were fairly long, he was trying to grow his hair out and he always told me how much he admired mine. One day in the break room, he begin playing with my hair, just pulling on my braids lightly and running his fingers through them, while I pretended to read something. It was just odd and a little gay to me.

Now I am not one of those homosexuals who thinks that every man or everyone is gay, but I just think we have gay moments where we are a little gay. Here are a few examples of a little gay....

Cammie= A little Gay (No Homo)

50 Cent-Arched Eyebrows, Cleavage, & Sleeveless BLOUSE= A little Gay

Diddy- Dry humping, Clothes burning, and molesting Zac Posen= A little Gay

The Men on Film shirt ( If I can see your heart beating through your shirt, it's too damn small)= A little GAY

TOO EASY!

(Picture courtesy of CL.. DUH)

Mz. Peachez

2006-09-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

This video had me bugging the fuck out. I couldn't figure out if it was a man or a woman at first, but I will let you all make your own assumptions. I know some people are going be like this is setting us back another decade, this is coonery, blah blah, don't take it so seriously.

Ya'll know black folks loove fried chicken. I don't know what's worse, Mz. Peachez or that silly ass jook joint slavery dance Chicken Noodle Soup

Supermarket, SuperBITCHES Pt . 2

2006-09-19T00:42:00.000-05:00

Yea, I'm still working at the grocery store unfortunately, I can't believe this shit either. It seems to me muthafuckas still don't know how to act accordingly when buying groceries. Niggas still acting a fool for no damn reason. When I'm working I'm just amazed at how many bad attitudes I come in contact with in an hour. It's just grocery shopping, shit..take it easy, it's not that deep. It feels like I have a sign in front of my register that says ASSHOLE LINE STARTS HERE. I'm a patient person, but DAMN! I talked about this last year, but people are still acting a damn fool, so I'm gonna break it down again. Take note, if the following applies to any of U!

Cellphones. Talking on a cellphone while u are being checked out in line is just plain RUDE, because I'm not acknowledged and you move 10 x's slower, holding up the damn line. I'm sure whatever the hell you are talking about is not that damn important. I'm asking your silly ass paper or plastic and u don't hear shit. Then when I pack your shit in plastic, you got the audacity to say, "Oh I wanted paper, thanks." No, thank u muthafucka for making my job that much harder. Have a nice day....BITCH!

One of the main things I hate is when customers try to tell me how to do my job. Don't worry about what I'm doing, u just pay for ur shit and get the hell out of my face in a timely manner. The most irking thing is when a customer says, " Can you bag all my cold stuff together and all my hot foods together?" Ummmm..DUH, how the hell else was I going to bag it? And for all you picky mofos who want everything bagged a certain way, like double paper in plastic or double plastic inside of paper, with 5 items per bag arranged by weight and height etc. BAG THAT SHIT YOUR DAMN SELF, because I'M NOT!

Some of the smartest people come through my line, lawyers, doctors, and businessmen, but yet they still can't seem to figure out how to pay for their groceries using a credit/debit machine. Is it really that fucking hard? It's not brain surgery people. Just READ THE DIRECTIONS, swipe the card and get the hell on!

My mom is a stickler for this one. I understand wanting to save money when buying groceries, and buying stuff that's on sale, I get it, but if one of your grocery items ring up under the wrong price, DO NOT take that shit out on me! I have no control over what price your shit rings up as. My job is to just scan your groceries, so don't shoot the messenger, because I didn't do the shit!

Another one of the main things I hate, is mothafuckas who don't know what the hell they are buying. Coming in my line with all these exotic fruits and lettuce, then when I ask you, "What is this?" your silly ass don't even know. If I don't know what the item is called, I can't look up the produce code. How the hell do you buy and eat stuff without knowing what it is???? Do you always put foreign items in your mouth? That's like sucking a random dick and not knowing his name, it just doesn't make sense!

This is just a random observation. But I get really mad and jealous when you hoes with EBT (Foodstamp) cards come through my line, buying Lobster, caviar, shrimp, and 20 bags of chicken. That shit ain't fair!

Finally, when I ask plastic or paper, that's all I'm asking! If you need double plastic fine, but I don't need to hear the reason behind it... you have to walk up 10 flights of stairs, you have a long way to walk, you have to ride the bus, or you have a bad back, because guess what? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!

TIPS to make a CASHIERS Job more Pleasant

Acknowledge them
Don't take 20 years writing a check
Having a bagger at a grocery store is a luxury these days, if you don't have or see a bagger, BAG YOUR OWN SHIT!
Put the money in their HAND NOT ON THE COUNTER
HELLO, PLEASE & THANK YOU go a long way

RESPECT.....

The Allure Of The Game

2006-09-15T11:14:00.000-05:00

The Allure of the GAME keeps calling your name...I guess the Jiggaman couldn't stay away from the Rap Game, because he is back and has a new album being released in November, titled Kingdom Come.

I'm gonna keep it real I love Jay-Z, own every album, but this was the "wackest retirement". He might as well join the ranks with Cher and all the others who retire at least once a year. Jay has showed up on countless mixtapes and remixes, not to mention his Reasonable Doubt show and I Declare War concert last year, so it's like he never really went anywhere.

Jay has been getting nothing but respect for the way he has been handling his job as President of Def Jam, but recently LL Cool J, made a comment "Jay-Z is good at promotiong Jay-Z". Well this might be true, because I don't even remember the name of LL's album that came out this year.

Also, couldn't Entertainment Weekly have picked a better cover, it looks like Jay just smelled Flava Flav's finger (u know its been in coochie galore). Read the Jay interview in its entirety, click here. Hov is back, WHAT MORE CAN I SAY....

Gay It Forward: Power Of 3

2006-09-13T00:34:00.000-05:00

They say some of the best things in life come in 3's, triple chocolate ice cream, wishes, condoms, and best of all Threesomes.

Threesomes today have become as common as having a dog or driving an Escalade, while being on government assistance and living with yo momma. A friend and I were talking about threesomes the other night, and they went on to say how they enjoyed watching their lover being penetrated by someone else. Threesomes are not for everybody, especially a couple that has insecurity issues.

When a couple decides to have a threesome, there are many things to take into consideration, such as picking the right person to join in your threesome. Safety is also key of course. Condoms are your friend. Making sure that the sex is spread equally is important as well, as to not alienate anybody involved, everybody wants to be the Star in a threesome. But one of the top priorities of a threesome is setting boundaries and limits. Making sure everybody is comfortable and making sure you know what to do and what NOT to do, to avoid any jealousy or akward moments.

So, the question(s) of the day is...Would u ever have a threesome? Have u ever had a threesome? Would you prefer to have a threesome with someone you knew or a stranger?

The Best Dumbest Song

2006-09-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've been hearing this song on Itunes for about a month, so I guess it was only a matter of time before it came out with a video. The concept of this song is so simple stupid, but sadly enough I like it. The beat actually helps. The video actually reminds me of the skateboard dudes I kept seeing in Soho when I was New York, who dressed like this.

Anyways, I don't wear no damn VANS, that shit does not look like sneakers but more like slippers, NOT A GOOD LOOK, just like I don't wear Dame Dash Keds.

Year of The Dru

2006-09-12T13:44:00.000-05:00

Young and The Restless is one of my guiltiest pleasures. Thanks to watching it with my Moms when I was like 7 or 8, I have been hooked every since.

Drucilla Winters is the baddest bitch in Daytime television.She cracks me the hell up. Drucilla can be ghetto as hell, but she keeps it real. Being the only black woman on the show (besides her character's daughter) she is at her most hood when going off on the skinny white women.

I Love This Chick!

I Can't Stand That BITCH Sallie Mae!

2006-09-11T22:26:00.000-05:00

When I was in grade school I was taught in order to make it through life, you have to finish high school, then go to college. After college you will get a good job and make good money. Well them MUTHAFUCKAS LIED! I graduated almost 2 years ago and I have yet to find a permanent "good paying job". It really is HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP, when you trying to get this money for the rent. I have been on a total of 4 interviews this summer only to find out I'm OVERQUALIFIED, what kind of bullshit is that?! That obviously means I can do the job, it doesnt take a scientist to use a computer, type up bullshit memos, work with the public, and answer phones. I have now begun to search for jobs that pay well and are not technically in my major of studies. To be honest I'm not caring right now, I just NEED & WANT MONEY.

I feel like I am being punished for furthering my education. My biggest hassle and problem these days is a BITCH named SALLIE MAE. SALLIE MAE LOANS. I owe that BITCH almost 30 G's for going to college. Im gonna need you to gimme 50 feet Sallie Mae. You will get your money when I get a job, until then stop sending me little cutesy booklets to keep track of my payments. I feel like one of those prostitutes from HBO's documentary Hookers At The Point, and Sallie Mae is straight pimping my black ass! It feels like I'm about to be pimp slapped at any moment. Sallie Mae I ain't got the money, business been kind of slow, tricking just aint paying what it use to.

How am I suppose to save money and pay this bitch Sallie Mae? Well Sallie Mae had some suggestions on how I could pay them and live off the change I have left over.

Tips

You can save money if you …
Restrain yourself—no impulse purchases.
Go to movies with matinee prices or rent a video.
Buy clothes you can machine wash; dry cleaning bills add up.
Use the discount coupons that department stores mail out.
Go online when making travel plans—the savings are often substantial.
Take advantage of free entertainment, like a visit to a museum or park.

BULLSHIT! I will not live my life according to Sallie Mae, the clothes on my back and my toys (ipod, cellphone etc) are all I have left, and besides that I have to PRESERVE MY SEXY!

PAYING BACK COLLEGE LOANS SUCK!!!!! Especially when u are not making even 1/3's of what you owe. FUCK U SALLIE MAE...Happy Monday Everybody..:)

Computer Love

2006-09-08T10:49:00.000-05:00

It feels like I haven't posted in forever. I just haven't been in the mood to be honest. Lately, it has been feeling like ghost town with some blogs not being updated as frequently, including mine, but I'm back and have something I would like to share.

I think I may be in love. I'm scared, anxious, and happy, but none the less, love is growing. This love I am talking about, I will call BX Balla. The "BX" in BX Balla does stand for Bronx, as in Bronx, New York. As u all know I am not from New York, but from Saint Louis.

BX Balla and I have been talking since mid July ( I know I have been holding out on u all, sorry). Every since we began talking, not a day goes by where we don't speak via telephone or via our Sidekicks. Our chemistry is just unreal I can't say enough good things about it. When we first began talking, I didn't take it seriously at all, because I know how fickle men can be, Gay men especially, but BX has really grown on me, and it was a gradual process from friendship to where it is now.

BX and I have a lot differences, which I think attracts us even more to one another. BX is almost 30 and I just turned 24 in March. He is 5'9 and I am 5'11. He is OUT and I am in the process of trying to come out. BX is also Puerto Rican & Dominican and I am Black. So this is or could possibly be my first interracial relationship.

So how did we we meet? Since he is from New York and I'm from St.Louis, take a wild guess I'm sure you will figure it out LoL. He actually persued me, which is odd and a bonus, because I always go for dudes who don't live in Saint Louis. I actually love dudes from New York, they just have a different swagger about them than the dudes here. There are slim pickings here in Saint Louis, so I always look elswhere.

BX and I have become very close and its definitely pass the friendship stage, the only problem is we haven't met yet. I feel kinda silly having feelings for someone I haven't met yet, but it is what it is. We are only a plane ride away and besides that I have been to New York numerous times (Twice to be exact LoL) before, so its not like I can't go back. I mean people find Love on Online all the time right? AM I CRAZY IN LOVE or JUST CRAZY??

It's A Good Look

2006-08-24T23:45:00.000-05:00

Watching last night's episode of Noah's Arc, made me so proud. The show has come a long way from its humble beginnings. The show is back and better than ever. I feel like my Wednesday nights are complete again. It just feels so good to see people like me, black and gay, on television.

When Noah's Arc first premiered, it was loved by many and torn apart by most, including me, but I always liked the show despite some of my comments. The show looks and feels like it has gotten a makeover from production to the cast. I know they are filming in Canada now, which I think was a good move, not to mention a good look. The writing which had me worried at first, has improved tremendously. Deeper issues are being explored and executed beautifully. Everything seems to flow a lot smoother, without feeling rushed. I would just like to point out a few observations from this season:

Chance's BOOTY, the scene last week when he was on the ladder...He has the phattest ass, it looks so hard but firm and round, I just wanna....yea..he has a very nice ass LOL.

Ricky is looking good this season. Last season, I was not feeling him much at all, he was pretty, but almost girly pretty, especially the hair. The facial hair and the mohawk is a very good look and improvement.

For some reason, I am JUST NOT attracted to Trey. I am not colorstruck or anything like that, but he just looks like he is about to FADE AWAY or something, he is cute, but something about him just doesn't do it for me.

Guy is All-American fine, I'm mad he is after Alex's man, I am very anxious to see how Alex is going to handle this, as dramatic as he is, he better whoop Guy's ass.

Noah reminds of Carrie from Sex and The City so much.
-He is a writer
-He dresses like a clown at times
-He wears hair extentions (like he did with the cornrows last night, the beads made it even more of a mess)

For some reason last night, Noah looked extra gay in that purple sweater and hair beads, is that mean to say?

I am so happy this show is back on the air. I hope this season is longer than the first.

Da-Gay-Gay

2006-08-11T19:43:00.000-05:00

I HATE when I tell people I am Gay and they respond "How Do U know if you have never been with a Man before?" Being Gay is not like trying caviar, where u have to taste it, to know if you like it or not, that shit irks the fuck outta me. I know I'm Gay, I wouldn't say it, if I wasn't and I damn sure wouldn't fake it if I wasn't, that's just stupid. I know me and I know WHO I AM, and being gay is only part of me, not me as a person.

I have been doing some thinking lately about my life. I am Black and while growing up, my parents made it their duty to make sure I knew where I came from and participated in my culture. Well I am Gay, and the gay community has culture, events, and just everyday life that I would like to be apart of. I am a GAY Virgin, never have, never been, never was, with a man before, so I compiled a list of GAY things I would like to do before I'm 25.

1. Hold Hands with a Man.

2. Kiss A Man

3. Have Sex with a Man.

4. Fall in Love...yep with a Man.

5. Go to a House Ball.

6. Go to a Gay Club.

7. Go to Gay Pride.

8. Make a Gay BEST Friend.

9.Read a copy of Clik magazine

10. Meet Karamo Brown and tell him how much I LOVE and HATE him.

I'm not some sheltered, naive closet case. Just inexperienced, but hopefully with time I will find the light.

They're BAACCCKK!

2006-08-02T22:52:00.000-05:00

Words can not explain how excited I am for the new season of Noah's Arc. When I saw these promos last week, I got goosebumps. I see some of the cast is trying out new looks, hope the new looks come with some better acting, I have faith that it will. This season I will try not to be so critical and just enjoy the show for what it is. Everybody seemed to have something to say about the show, whether it was positive or negative.

It looks like it's gonna be a good season. Plus with all the new additions to the cast, I'm sure it's gonna be worth the wait. The new season of Noah's Arc premieres Wednesday, August 9!

Cash Flow

2006-08-02T19:12:00.000-05:00

I am not rich, I don't have a lot of money, but I have enough money to get by and get what I need and most of the time want. I haven't been getting a lot of hours at work, but I am actually happy about that. When I want something I usually just save up some money for it, but as of lately it just feels like I haven't been able to save much of anything. I am one of those people. where if I am broke, I don't want you to be able to tell, and more than likely, you won't be able to.

I haven't bought new clothes in about 2 months. I usually buy at least a shirt like every two weeks. My cash flow feels like its running dry. I have two important things I need to pay for. One, my cellphone, I have a sidekick II, but the damn keyboard is coming off...again. My warranty is expired, so my only options are to go through my insurance and get another one, or just upgrade to the sidekick III which I planned on doing anyway. The phone is $300.00.

Secondly, I am going to Chicago towards the end of the month, to visit my best friend. I need spending money. The only good part is that I got my plane ticket on sale. I want to have at least $500.00 to spend on clothes, food, and entertainment.

I have been trying to think of ways to earn some money, quick and legally.

I have a bunch of coins saved up which I could redeem at a local Coinstar machine.

I was thinking about selling some of the clothes I don't wear anymore. It's nice shit too. I only rock the New, New shit...LOL

I am also contemplating giving blood.

Lastly, I am thinking about donating sperm. I know alot of women want there babies to have good hair. I'm Ya Man!

I need moohla, quick, fast, and legal!! Any ideas??

Ambiguously GAY

2006-07-31T00:17:00.000-05:00

I am big fan of Project Runway and an even bigger fan of its newest designer Michael Knight. He is the only the brotha on the show, as a matter of fact, I think he is the only black designer on the show. Sad part is, he barely gets any camera time and he is one of the best things to look at on the show. Most of the males on the show are Gay, with no if's, ands, or butt's (pun inteded) about it. I know it shouldn't be important or matter, but I keep wondering is Michael Gay. I am getting some Karamo vibes from him. My gaydar is slightly going off, but I can't really tell.

I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Alot of people are trying to figure him out. If he is gay, it would only make him hotter as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure mgazines like Flava Life and Clik would embrace him immediately.

Michael Knight...Gay Or Straight?

Driving School Dropout

2006-07-21T20:01:00.000-05:00

Ok, as some of you might know or not know, I don't have my driving license. This wouldn't be such a big deal if I lived in Chicago or New York or something, but I live in Saint Louis, where we have to call a cab by phone and the buses come every 30 minutes to an hour if your lucky. Having a license is a must. I am 24 and still without a license, I think I suffered from a phobia of a driving, but now I am cured and ready to hit the road. I really didn't have anybody willing to take the time to show me how to drive, so I thought I would go to driving school. Little did I know how expensive driving school was, but I found a good, reasonable, cheap one so I thought. I found it in the yellow pages, A Better Way Driving school, $75.00 for 2 hours, not bad, so I schedule my lesson.

The day of my driving session approaches quickly. My appointment is at 9:30 a.m. It is now 9:40 and the instructor is late. He was suppose to pick me up at my house at 9:30 sharp. So I look outside my front door and surprise surprise I see a raggedy 98' blue 2 door cavalier, with a huge cone on top of the roof that read " A Better Way Driving School" I pulled my fitted black NY hat down over my eyes, trying to be incognito hoping nobody on my block saw me as I walked towards the car that was occupied by a rather overweight white man speaking on his cellphone, who looked to be about in his mid to late 40's. He gave me a quick wave signaling me to get in the car. I get in, just as he is getting off the phone. My nose is immediately offended by his indescribable funk that filled the car and my face and nose frowns up with a whatthefuckisthatsmell kinda look. I look around the car and notice the trash and papers in the backseat. So far so wrong, but I try to suck it up, because all I want is to get my license and get off the damn bus. I take a quick look at his outfit, he was wearing some rather short gray shorts that showed off his huge pink thighs and stretch marks. His stomach hung over most the steering wheel and I wondered how even managed to drive.I ask the driving instructor does he accept credit/debit. He replies "Nope. Cash only." So I run back in the house and grab some cash and get back in the car. He immediately says, " I'll take that money now." He then begins the lesson by pulling out a drivers guide and wiping some of his thin greasy hair out of his face. The cover of the book is missing and I notice multiple food stains on the pages as he skims through pages of the book with his hotdog fingers. He finally stops at a page with what looks to be chocolate smeared all over it. I am beyond disgusted at this point, but once again I suck it up We switch seats and as he gets out I have the pleasure of seeing his nasty ass buttcrack. I finally pull off in the car and the drama begins.........

While I'm driving the instructor begins to inform me that "us people" on the northside don't know how to drive properly. I live on the Northside of Saint Louis in North city. It is predominately black and its basically the hood. He then goes on to say North city has some of the worst drivers, we drive like idiots, and we all should go to drivers school. Then he starts to begin every sentence with "You People" "Your Brothers" "Your Sisters" "The Brothers" "The Sisters" at this point my face becomes really warm from the anger building up inside of me.

We drove in north city the whole time and he made me drive extra slow, which upset more than a few drivers. One chick in particular got so upset at the speed I was driving she felt the need to pull up to the side of me and yell "U Stupid Bitch, U will never get ur drivers license!" I ignored the chick and gave her a polite fuck you smirk, but the driving instructor felt the need to yell out the window "U Stupid Whore!". I thought to myself, "This fool is trying to get me killed, he must not realize he is a fat white man in the hood, Yo ass will get popped for realz!"

We get through that minor situation and I proceed to drive. He then gets a phone call from someone wanting to make appointment for driving lessons. I hear him ask the person on the phone do they have a drivers permit, they obviously respond no, because I hear him say " You need a drivers permit to learn how to drive." He hangs up the phone looking very frustrated and proceeds to say "Only the people in North city would not know that you need a driver's permit to learn to drive. I teach White, Latino, Indian, and Chinese people to drive all the time and the only problems I ever encounter are with Black people from the North city." Luckily by this time its time to end our driving lesson so I head back home in disgust.

Before I get out the car I cancel my standing appointment for the following day. I reported his ass to the Better Business Bureau ASAP. I can't believe I wasted my money on this shit. Truly a nightmare, from beginning to end. This a sure case when the cheap comes out expensive.

ONE is the Loneliest Number

2006-07-07T00:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I finally got done reading a book that a friend of mine referred to me titled I'm On My Way by Christopher David. I have never related so much to a book in my life, it was almost scary, especially since the end had me twisted. The main character, Jared, is looking for love, true love. He goes through a roller coaster of emotions on his journey and ends up...well I won't spoil the ending for those who haven't read this book. But this book fucked me up for real. I'm already borderline depressed at least once out of the week, but after reading this book it made me think about so much in my life. When I finished this book, I literally just sat in my room for the rest of the day. I couldn't move.

It feels like the feeling of loneliness is invading my body and taking over and starting to become unbearable, because you see I too am looking for love. I have loved, but never, ever, ever, have I been in love. It makes me sad, I won't lie. I sometimes have to wonder if it would be easier if I were straight. Would I still be single? Would I marry? Would I have kids? Those questions are always in the back in my mind and just for a second I begin to hate myself, hate myself for being this gay man. I too, much like the character Jared, ask God, Why did you make me this way? Why ME? No answers. It would be nice to have that one special person to call on, someone to lie next to, someone to share your life and dreams with. Sometimes I really have to wonder if love like that even exists in this, dare I say, "lifestyle". I just don't understand why it has to be so hard . The fact that I just can't go to normal places like the grocery store, the mall, or to a baseball game and meet somebody is annoying. Why does it have to be a gay club or Adam for Adam. Speaking of Adam for Adam, I am so tired of all the rules that people have to follow just to fucking speak to one another. No FATS, no FEMS. UNLOCK PICS before hitting me up. BLACK/LATINO only. And its always the fugliest mofos that have all these requests and rules. I swear sometimes gay people treat each other worse than straights.

My life is stressful enough as it is, but sometimes to be honest, being gay feels like another burden in it self. I get tired of answering the same questions. How come you don't have a girlfriend? When are u going to get a girlfriend? I am not OUT to anybody, people may assume but I have not and will not confirm their suspicions. A person told me awhile ago, that a mother always knows. I think my mom does know about me, but I am not ready to come out to her or anybody else that I know. For some odd reason, it is easier for me to come out to strangers, rather than my relatives and friends. Maybe it would be easier if I had gay friends, or even a gay friend, but I don't so the only person I confide in, is myself.

People have said I smile too much. If only they knew behind this smile, lied a great deal of confusion and sometimes pain.

Long Live The Queen

2006-06-30T23:45:00.000-05:00

Today's post is a tribute to Lil' Kim. She's coming home Monday from the big house, so I'm pretty sure we are going to be seeing and hearing alot from Kim in the next couple of days.

I was 13 years old when I recieved Lil' Kim's album Hardcore as Christmas present from my Aunt. My Aunt did not approve of me having the CD, but for some reason she bought it anyway. Now that I think back on it, I'm suprised my aunt and even my parents let me own something that was damn near pornographic, but there Lil' Kim was, with her legs spread wide, with the word HARDCORE spelled out.

Everytime I hear a Lil' Kim joint, I'm still like "I can't believe she just said that!" So I decided to share with you all some of my favorite Lil' Kim lines. Enjoy!

"Uh wha wha" - classic Lil' Kim all day!

"I used to be scared of the dick, Now I throw lips to the shit!'

"What the deal on that Prince cat he be lookin fruity but he can still eat the booty."

"I don't want dick tonight. Eat my pussy right!"

"Niggas ain't shit but they still can trick.All they can do for me is suck my clit!"

"Bet I wet cha like hurricanes and typhoons. Got buffoons eatin my pussy while I watch cartoons"

"Now Im skin deep in my Lexus Jeep, peep da Queen sista if I would fuck wit Mista they'd be sucking blackberry molasses out my asses."

"Niggas cum too fast for me. A waste of a good dick if you ask me"

"You wanna steal the pussy like a thief. Now kiss the lips without the teeth."

Then this homey Jimmy, he's screamin "Gimme,"Lay me on my back, bustin' nuts all in me."

"It was somethin' about this dude I couldn't stand
Somethin' that coulda made his ass a real man
Somethin' I wanted, but I never was pushy
the motherfucker never ate my pussy."

"Kim got him in a zone beating they dicks. Even got some of these straight chicks rubbing their tits."

"Got the camcord layin' in the drawer where he can't see
Can't wait to show my girls he sucked the piss out my pussy."

"You bitches ain't been through shit, you just minors
What you know about stuffin' half a bricks in your vagina."

"It's the dick licker, it's the baby sipper
Ain't a bitch alive can make a nigga cum quicker
Baby girl's pussy get wetter than a shower cap
Got my mans back like a Jansport napsack."

"Cause see, I got the tightest, rightest vagina
Even got my name on the menu at the diner."

Feel free to share your own favorite Lil' Kim lines!

The Devil Wears Payless

2006-06-27T10:29:00.000-05:00

I just died. Not sure of my cause of death. Not sure of my time of death. I didn't make it to heaven, instead I was sent to HELL, where the devil was reincarnated as my boss at work. Today I was face to face with the Devil for a full 7 hours. She looks more like a vampire than the Devil. She can be rather intimidating and scary to look at with her heavy mascara, black hair, off-white complexion, yellow teeth, and cheap black attire. Damn, It must feel good to PAYLESS. She only wears black or red, I KID U NOT. Her presence and her name alone, just sucks the positive energy and happiness right out of my body. I already HATE my job, but she is an added bonus. I hate the way she talks to me, its like she is chewing her face and I just stepped off the short yellow bus. She is usually a BITCH, but today she just kept fucking with me. Picking at everything I did. I wanted to FUCK HER UP more than usual. I know she doesn't like me, but it's cool because I can't stand that bitch either. Just because I won't kiss her ass, she likes to fuck with me. My hours have already been cut and my schedule is always fucked. My code name for my boss is the BALDING EAGLE If I ever spot her in radius of where I'm at, I warn whomever is around me, that THE BALDING EAGLE HAS LANDED. If she sees you smiling or talking to one of ur fellow co-workers, she will immediately come over and attempt to put u in check. I'm sure everyone has had a boss they didn't like at some point in time, but this BITCH is one of a kind! Words can not explain how much I HATE that FUGLY, FLAT ASS, ASS FACE, SLUT BAG, BITCH!!!!

What have I done to deserve this treatment! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME MY LORD!!? I did everything I was suppose to do. I finished high school, I finished college,I go to church (not as often as I use to, but I still go), I'm a good person, a GOOD person. I don't deserve this! I have a college degree! Why the fuck am I checking groceries anyway!!!!! It's so frustrating, because I have been looking for a new job for what seems like forever. It is really taking its toll on me. I'm telling you, ya'll don't know my struggle, it's been crazy. I am truly stressed!!!

Grace Replaced

2006-06-20T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have come to the conclusion a friendship of almost 20 years has reached its course. The friendship in question is the one with my very own Grace Adler, my best friend since second grade. She really is or was the Grace to my Will. I have spoken about her before and we are still growing further apart. This is mostly due to the fact that she has a boyfriend now whom she feels she has to spend every second of the day with. The phone calls have stopped, the emails have become less frequent, I haven't seen her in about a month and she lives less than 10 minutes away from me. I can't even remember the last time we did anything together, which had to be almost 3 or more months ago. I feel like the only time she calls me is when she is having problems with her boyfriend, whom I give less than two shits about. She has become so selfish lately. What really did it for me was a couple of months ago, when she invited me to lunch and never showed up. No call, no apology. I had to call her only to find out she was at the fucking barbershop with her boyfriend.

I swear the two of them together equals true annoyance. The few times I have hung out with them, every word they exchange with one another starts with "Babe". "Babe" where's my CD? "Babe" have u seen my lipgloss? It's truly sickening. What's even more sickening is that this dude she is with has soooo much baggage. He is a married man, although he is separated, but still married none the less, and if that's not bad enough, he has a baby on the way with another girl, whom he impregnated when he was dating my friend. Good Golly Fuck, how stupid can a person be? I have lost so much respect for her as a person and as a friend. She acts like she can't fucking breathe without being in his presence. I have been basically passed over for Grade A DICK, that's all it can be. Why else would person put up with so much shit. Whenever I ask for anything, it's always an excuse. "I'm helping him make this demo." "I'm at the studio." I forgot to mention her beloved is a producer/rapper/singer, WHO THE FUCK ISN'T?! Especially in Saint Louis. I have had to bite my tongue so many times, to hold back from saying YOU ARE NOT KIMORA & RUSSELL, you are not even BOBBY & WHITNEY on ur good day!!!!

Let the truth be told, I am not jealous, I repeat, I AM NOT JEALOUS. I would be happy for her, if there was a reason to be happy.I have just come to accept the fact that my friendship with my GRACE, my best friend, might be coming to a close, either way things aren't the same and may never be the same again. We are only friends when its convenient or when he breaks up with her. My circle of true friends becomes smaller every day it seems. I would be lying if I said that shit didn't suck, because it does. I just really don't understand what is so hard about maintaining a relationship and a friendship? Can't a person have both? What is it about being in a relationship, that makes one say fuck my friends, I don't need them?

The Look

2006-06-15T20:40:00.000-05:00

It worked for awhile--until one day I walked into a gym and was smiled at by a tall, well-built man with a swinging dick. All he had to do was give me the look and I was ready to switch teams again.

I Say A Little Prayer
E. Lynn Harris

The other day while reading E. Lynn Harris' latest novel, I Say A Little Prayer, I became confused and then a little irritated. It wasn't because the book was bad, but because I kept wondering what this damn look was that Harris kept speaking about. The look that is code to other gay men to let the other know they are "family", down, Dl, gay, etc. This is not the first time I have heard about the look. I remember seeing J.L King on Oprah, when he discussed the DL and how in black churches men often give each other the look. What the hell does the look look like? Is it just a stare? I would assume giving the look to wrong person could lead to a beatdown.

After reading and thinking about the look, I decided to test out my version of the look at the club later on that night. Iarrived fashionably late at about 12 a.m. only to be told by the bouncer at the door that Timbs aren't allowed, but to my suprise, he finished his sentence with, "Since your so clean I'm gonna let u slide." See it pays to be a dope dresser. Me and my posse entered the club and found a spot to post at. I looked around at all the fine specimens walking around and I spotted him, my test dummy. He sported a bald head and wore a black button-up and jeans. He appeared to be alone. He looked familiar and I could have sworn I saw him on Adam4Adam. There are only like 150 men at a time in Saint Louis on Adam4Adam, so its pretty easy to remember faces. It was time to test out this "look". I glanced in his direction a few times, before I made eye contact with him, it was now or never. I squinted my eyes a bit and licked my lips and held my eye contact with him for about 3 secs and turned away. I kid you not, within a 5 minute time period he was standing right behind me. I looked over my shoulder at him and turned back around. I guess he got tired of standing there, because he was soon gone. I wasn't really trying to get to know him or anything, just wanted to see if he would respond to my advances and he did. Maybe this "look" thing has some truth to it.

Gay It Forward: Color by Numbers

2006-06-07T19:50:00.000-05:00

The other day I ran across a website called Club Rimshot and on that site there was interview with Mr. Karamo Brown from the Real World. In the interview(which you can click here to see) Karamo and his Latin Lover Ed discuss their relationship and the "haters". Karamo and Ed both go on to discuss how they each, personally get flack from their own communities, black and Latino, for dating outside their race.

Maybe I'm a little naive, but do minority races even have room to be prejudiced or against interracial dating. I don't know if the people who are giving them grief for being together are gay, straight, or both. Are we really doing this? Can a community (The Gay community) that is discriminated on a regular basis really be prejudiced against something like interracial dating.

How can we be against someone for dating outside their race when we are dating someone of the same sex? Discrimination against interracial dating within the gay community, Invisible or In front of you ?

Uncut

2006-06-05T21:31:00.000-05:00

Now this is the Noah's Arc I wish we had gotten to see. Who cares that the acting isn't that great! I hope this is on the Noah's Arc DVD series.

Random Shit

2006-05-24T01:19:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's been a week exactly since my last blog update. I have been busy with my-so-called LIFE (I use to love that show). I don't have any one thing to talk about, so I guess I will just shoot the shit to ya.

My weekend was weird and good. Saturday my mom and I had a little spat, which was all her fault might I add. I swear that woman must be going through menopause, because her mood swings are out of control, more than usual. But I digress, she and I had a little fight, and needed to vent, so I tried calling one of my best friends, but she wasn't picking up her cell, so I decided to text her. I texted her the message "MY MOM GETS ON MY FUCKING!!!!!!! NERVES!. About 15 minutes later, I get a phone call from my mother, saying she got my message. "What message?" , I say. "My mom gets on my....you finish the rest." she says. Apparently I texted my mom instead of my friend. All I could mutter was sorry. I'm still bugging from the incident, but I guess it could always be worse.

Sunday I went to church and it felt soooo GOOD. I haven't been to church in a few months if not more. It just felt good to hear the choir sing and be in God's presence. I needed that more than I knew.

I just found out I have jury duty in a few weeks. I am so not looking forward to it. This is my first time being summoned to jury duty and from what my parents and others say, it's a lot of waiting around. Hopefully I'm not picked to be on a trial, maybe I will concoct some crazy story or behavior so I'm not picked.

Last week my beloved TiVo was toasted. It went dead causing me to miss all my favorite T.V shows including the Will and Grace series finale and Desperate Housewives season finale, I'm pissed to say the least. Hopefully I can find it on Itunes or download it or something.

On the brighter side of things, I have a JOB interview today with the state. A nice comfy office job.I haven't been on a job interview in awhile, so I am extremely nervous, but excited about the possibilities of more money and putting my 2 weeks in at the grocery store. I am seriously tired of those fuckas.

Yea that's my hand in the above picture. I was bored at work so I tried to mimic Radio Raheem from Do The Right Thing. I'm right handed, so I had put all that shit on my left hand. I guess this is a subconcious message...

I Won SUCKAS!

2006-05-17T20:22:00.000-05:00

Man, secretly watching Top Model tonight, I didn't know who was gonna win, but I knew I wanted Danielle to win. Word on the street was Joanie had won, but that was obviously wrong. My sucka for life Danielle is America's Next Top Model and as country as it sounds, I'm HELLA AMPED.

Did the right person win?

RazBerry Ice Tea

2006-05-17T14:33:00.000-05:00

Music: Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado

According to my favorite Podcast, PinkMafiaRadio, Mr. Raz B formerly of B2K, will be making a cameo apperance on the upcoming Season 2 of Noah's Arc, where he will be acting of course. His charactor has a vital role in the episode, which he has already filmed, and YES his character is GAY, but make note Raz B is straight *cough*.

Also for all you true Noah's Arc fans, the DVD of Season One will be released on June 19th through www.LOGOONLINE.com and the Second Season of Noah's Arc will premiere August 9.

Raz B has been making the rounds in the gay community and has even participated in Gay Pride events. I have a few thoughts about this, but I'd rather not say, instead why don't YOU get the ball rolling.

Thankx Steven

Revelation

2006-05-16T10:59:00.000-05:00

The other day I was talking to a good friend of mine and they suggested an idea that I, myself, toyed with awhile back. Why don't you just move up here? Here meaning Chicago. That's not a bad idea,especially since there is nothing keeping me in Saint Louis. I am moving to Chicago. I'm moving to Chicago. WOW. It felt even better to say it aloud. Previously, I had thought about moving to New York, but I thought I'd better start off smaller and gradually make a move to New York, (I'm telling U, that's where I really belong!) My best friend lives in Chicago and a few mutual friends, and everyone is already excited about the possibility of me moving there, including myself.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous and scared about moving to Chicago, but this is something I MUST do and HAVE to do for myself and sanity. Fear and uncertainty has held me back long enough from my TRUE BLESSINGS. I know it's going to take alot of planning and organizing for me to execute this properly, which is why I have given myself a deadline of Spring 2007. I don't even know where to start, except to begin saving money NOW. But do I get an apartment first? Get a job first? Ask to room with some of my friends temporarily(but I'd rather NOT)? The only things I know for certain are that I would like to live in a nice neighborhood, preferably the northside and I really don't want a roommate. I am determined to make this happen. I really feel like I'm working towards an attainable goal.

I see alot of you all on here have made big moves from one place to another, any advice or tips?

Only In New York (Updated)

2006-05-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

Well I'm back from New York, unfortunately. Leaving is always the worse part for me, because I love it there so much. I had HELLA fun as usual, no complaints here, well maybe one. I didn't meet the "ONE" yet, but patience is a virtue. Yes, that's me for anybody wondering. I hate taking pictures (yea I'm a thick nigga!), but I thought this one looked decent enough to post. Since I did waay too much in New York, going into detail would take forever, so I'll just do a quick recap.

Note--->words in RED are links

Note--->Anybody traveling to New York for the first time, I recommend using NYC HOPSTOP. It will make getting around 10 x's easier. I had all the directions emailed to my Sidekick. They can even text you directions, or u can call.

Only in New York can I get my favorite cupcakes from Buttercup.

Only in New York could I have met my favorite former America's Next Top Model contestant, Bre. She is now a red head, but I must say I prefer her with her natural dark curly hair.

Only in New York could I have seen the same outfit 30 times in 20 minutes. Wassup with every dude in SOHO wearing the Bapesta sneakers, fitted jeans, Afghanistan-like scarves around their mouth, wearing a mini Pharell-like t-shirt, with a bookbag or skateboard?

Only in New York can I see Cammie (Cam'Ron) riding by in a Explorer on 5th Ave.

Only in New York can you literally be bombarded with a different hustle every 5 minutes, especially in Harlem. I swear every corner I turned, somebody was like PSSssssttt.

Only in New York, would I have been able to attend the Tribeca Film Festival. I saw a movie titled Alone with Her. It starred Colin Hanks, son of Tom Hanks. The best part was after the movie there was a Q & A session with Colin Hanks and his co-star whose name I have forgotten.

Only in New York at my favorite store on 5th ave (Sean John) are the clothes just as hot as the salesmen. If u don't like Sean John clothing at least go in there to see all the sexy salesmen and saleswomen actually, I really think Diddy handpicked all of them to work in that store.

Only in New York, is there a Duane Reade every 1/2 a mile.

Only in New York, could I have seen the disturbingly good movie, HARD CANDY.

Only in New York, can u go to Century 21, and literally have to fight your way through the crowd and watch two gay men argue over the last pair of marked down, size 34 Roberto Cavalli jeans.

Only in New York, can u see so many sexy ass Latinos at once.

It's safe to assume I'm missing New York right about now. Quick question, anybody ever been to a place in Times Square called Mars, I think it's on 52nd street next door to Equinox. There was a huge line Saturday night and I'm just curious as to wassup with that place.

Countdown To Get Down

2006-04-25T00:36:00.000-05:00

I leave for New York this Thursday and a nigga can not wait to step on to the pavement in Queens. Queens is where we stayed at last time, but we moving on up, to Manhattan. I got so much shit to do before I leave, and I am the biggest procrastinator. I'm suppose to be doing laundry right now, but instead I'm writing this entry telling ya'll how I'm suppose to be doing laundry..lol. This is only my second time going to New York and I can truly say I Heart NY. I love the crowded streets, the great variety of sneakers (I'm a shoe person), the fact there is always something to do (How can you ever be bored in NYC?), and most of all I love the men there.

Some of the dudes I encountered in NY had some thick ass accents and used slang that sounded more foreign than Spanish to me, but I love them all the same. I don't know what it is, but the dudes there seem a lot bolder than the dudes in Saint Louis. I guess I just like the attention I get when I'm in NY and that in no way was meant to sound arrogant. One of the things I'm worried about is not having enough money to get all the things I want, but when is that not the case? My boss at work keeps dicking me and cutting my hours, so my last check before I leave for NY is going to be maaaddd skeet. Last time I ended up buying a lot of clothes and shoes, with less money than what I am taking this time, so I should be aight I guess. My friends and I have most of our activities already planned, but I'm trying to figure out, What's the one place I have to check out?

I feel a little guilty going out of town and spending all my money, when I have some important things I need to care of, like my fucking tooth. Apparently I have an impacted tooth. I have had it for a few years, but it was never a problem, until now. My fucking tooth keeps scraping the left side of my cheek, not a good feeling. I don't have dental insurance, so I will have to go to this cheap clinic, that I fucking hate. Everytime I go there, I feel like a corpse for medical students to practice on. Hearing the word "Oops" is not a word you want to hear when someone is drilling your mouth.

Fun With Dick & Jane: Caption This!

2006-04-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

Track Star

2006-04-19T23:03:00.000-05:00

Girls, Girls, Girls seems be my theme song this month, which is very weird considering I'm GAY. Last week, I was invited on a double date with a friend of mine, her fiancé, and their single friend Miranda. Did I fail to mention I'm not "out" to them or anyone else for that matter? I knew this was another attempt for someone to set my poor single self up on a date. I didn't want to be mean or rude, so I lied and said I was nursing my dog, who had the runs and was very ill. I'm usually a good liar (Is that a bad quality to have?...ehhh), but that was the first thing that came out of my mouth. I don't know if they believed me or not, alls I know is I didn't go on that double date.

Just when I thought had escaped one uncomfortable situation; I ended up knee deep in another one. Yesterday I went to the bank to make a deposit. All the tellers at the bank know me and I'm on a first name basis with them all. I talk to some of the tellers more often than others, one in particular, whom I shall call Aphro. Aphro is a 30 something year old woman and mother of 1. She's from Jersey and we were talking about my upcoming trip to New York. I was asking her about cool places to go. The conversation was flowing as usual as she offered me a list of places to check out, everything was fine until she said the words that most men would love to hear, "Call Me." She said, "Call Me, so we can discuss more about New York." I then replied," Ummm....I will see you on Thursday, it's cool, we can just talk about New York then." Then I said, " I think my ride is here. They are going to be mad if they have to wait." I then, literally RAN (ran like a Zimbabwean in the Olympics) from the bank and went outside. My ride wasn't there yet of course, but I was relieved for the time being. Once my ride arrived and I got in the car, I thought to myself: What Am I Running From??

I UseTo Love H.I.M

2006-04-19T13:50:00.000-05:00

Memories..AAHHH..The only reason I use to watch Real World Philadelphia was to see Karamo. It was like finally MTV is displaying a different kind of character of the gay community, black and masculine. My feelings for Mr. Karamo begin to change when I saw the way he played Dorian. Then he became the biggest hypocrite when he started dating Ed, who happened to not be black, right after he had blasted Shavonda and Landon for having an interracial romance. What really did it in for me, was the way he acted like a straight (no pun intended) BIATCH on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. It was like seeing two different people almost.

All Those feelings are aside now, I still got love for him, even though he looks a H.A.M in that Count Blacula get up. To see more Karamo click Here

Aaron Reids' Sweet 16

2006-04-13T23:02:00.000-05:00

Did anybody watch MTV's Sweet 16 last night? Of course you all didn't. Well I actually had some spare time and I watched it. This is the son of L.A Reid and Pebbles (80's-early 90's popstar). I didn't even know L.A Reid tapped Pebbles, let alone had a baby with her. I think this was seriously one of the best parties I have not been to and it put all the other Sweet 16 parties to shame, including mine, which basically consisted of me going to my Aunt Barbara Jean's house for collard greens and cornbread, the worst birthday ever, well one of em at least. I have to admit though, this was a hot party, Kanye West, Diddy, and Jermaine Dupri even showed up. Hmmm..maybe I should have a Sweet 25 party to make up for my punk ass birthdays.

Gay It Forward:TRANSAmerica

2006-04-07T22:52:00.000-05:00

I haven't done one of these posts in awhile, but here we go. Yesterday, while at work (I work in a grocery store), I noticed a young woman come in. I took a quick glance at her and thought nothing of it, it's not like I was checking for her or something. About 5 minutes later the young woman began to walk in my direction and after closer inspection, I noticed her chiseled face and big veiny hands, I realized this young woman was actually a young MAN. About 30 minutes pass and the young woman/man reappears as she heads towards the exit, within 30 seconds of her leaving all my co workers began cackling and whispering, "Was that a boy or a girl?" It turns out she was a transvestite whom had apparently applied for a job at the store I work at and had just been interviewed for a position. My source tells me she actually had a good interview.

I couldn't help but think what would happen if she got hired. Would she come in as a boy or girl? How would she be treated by the other employees? How would the customers react to her? The store I work at is in a predominately white, middle class neighborhood. I personally wouldn't have a problem with her working there, who I am to judge anyone.

How would you feel working with a transvestite in a professional working environment?

Ya'll Memba Dat....

2006-03-30T17:38:00.000-06:00

As much I try to say I'm not country, I am, and down here in Saint Louis it's country. "Memba" is how some people say "Remember". Like for example, your talking to your boys and go, "Yo, ya'll memba dat time when....." Well I was in the car the other day and I had a "Memba Dat" moment.

This song came on and it use to be my shit.I was in 7th or 8th grade when it came out. I had this song on cassette single and wore that tape out. I knew the whole dance routine to the video when it use to play on Video Soul. So let's see if ya'll Memba dis......

Case of The Pink People

2006-03-30T10:47:00.000-06:00

I seriously watch too much T.V , my newest reality addiction is the Ice Cube produced Black & White.The whole premise is good, but the people look ridiculous in my opinion. If I saw either of these families in the streets I am not sure I would be convinced that either is black or white. Just about every episode of this show, has moments that make me squirm or cringe. It amazes and angers me how some white people are still so closed-minded and ignorant of their own prejudices. Everytime I watch this show, I think back to an incident that happen to me maybe about a year ago.

I was at one of the malls here in Saint Louis, called the St.Louis Galleria. I was shopping with a friend of mine and we were going store to store, browsing and buying things. My friend who happened to be a female, spotted some new exotic candle store that she wanted to go in. I really wasn't in the mood to smell candles and fruity scents, but I went in against my will to accommodate my friend. I walked in the store and just stood back while she smelled all the candles and looked around. We probably stayed in the store for about 5 minutes max. We leave the store and proceed to the other end of the mall.

We ended up in another girl store (Lerners I think). We are in there for about 10 minutes. I'm standing near the entrance of the store on my cellphone waiting for my friend to get done trying on clothes and browsing the racks. All of a sudden in front of everybody, 4 security guards surround me. I quickly hang up my cellphone, not sure what's going on. Then I see a white man emerge from behind one of the guards. One of the guards say, "Is this the guy?" The white man replies, "Yes". The white man was the manager of the candle store that we had left like 20 minutes ago. The white man then said, "A customer said he saw you take and put some candles in your jean pockets." I replied calmly, "I didn't take and put anything from your store in my pocket." The white man appeared to be nervous. The security guards then asked the white man, "Do you want to search him?" I looked at the white man as he begin to pat my jean pockets. Meanwhile my friend is looking on in disbelief while customers are stopping to see whats going on, whispering back and forth between one another. I was officially humiliated. The white man gets done searching me and says, "I didn't find anything." Two of the four security guards laugh as they all began to walk away. No apology or anything, for harassing me.

I stood there for a moment in shock, I couldn't believe what just happened. After that, I just really wanted to go home. It wasn't until a few hours later, that I was at home and all the coulda, woulda, shoulda started to set in. I should have gotten the white man's name. I should have reported him to the police. I should have sued. I do regret how I handled that situation and if it were to happen now, the outcome would be bigger and greater. All I can do now, is be aware that Racisim is alive and well, and I don't think it will ever completely go away.

Live It Up

2006-03-27T22:56:00.000-06:00

Music: I Just Died by Amerie

I haven't been posting as much on here lately, not that I ever posted everyday anyway, but I just feel like I have nothing to say, nothing to write about, no experiences to share, and I think this is due to the fact that I'm not really living. I'm here but I'm not. I'm alive, but I'm dead. Life is suppose to be this big adventure that's unpredictable and exciting, but that really doesn't seem to be the case for me. Everyday feels routine to me, to the point where I feel like I am stuck in the movie Groundhog's Day. There is so much I want to experience and so little that I have experienced. I know its time for a change and the only way anything is going to change is if I make the effort. How can a person be so smart (me) but yet so slow in the simple things in life. For example, I still don't have my driver's license and as a matter of fact, I just got my permit renewed the other day. All I know is that I am sick of riding the bus and depending on other people to take me here and there.

Today is the first day in awhile, that I have felt happy, because I finally have some sort of plan to follow for my life. By the end of the year I plan on having my driver's license, a car, a new job, and my very first apartment. Also I plan on enrolling into grad school for the fall 2007 semester. I don't have everything completely worked out and I would actually like to go to grad school out of state, but I guess this is a start. Wish me luck.

I Need LOVE

2006-03-19T00:56:00.000-06:00

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove for the first time in my life, I see I need love.

LL Cool J

I am in serious need of LOVE and affection from another man. No matter how much us single people say we don't need anyone, the truth still remains that everybody needs somebody sometimes (that's a song right?). The other night I finally gave my number to this guy I had been chatting with online for about 2 weeks. I am always cautious to who I give my number to, especially when it comes to people online. We all know there a lot of crazies on here. Anywho, we talked on the phone for about 40-45 minutes. The conversation was great. We laughed, talked, flirted, and there weren't any awkward moments of silence. At some point during the conversation, he got a phone call and said he would call me back shortly, and to my surprise, HE DID. We shared another good brief conversation and agreed to talk tomorrow. That was Thursday and today is Saturday, and I haven't heard from him since.

Now I have relasped back into CSB (Crazy Single Behavior). Did I say something to turn him off? Did I appear desperate or needy? What did I do wrong? I wasn't counting on anything from him just because we spoke on the phone once, but I had hope. Sometimes I just have to wonder: How can something we all need and want, be so hard to find among other people who are looking for the same thing? You hear a lot of straight women complaining that all the good men are either married, locked up, or GAY. If that's the case, then why am I still single?

Say Cheezy!

2006-03-15T23:11:00.000-06:00

Rapper Jay Jenkins (aka Young Jeezy) was arrested by Florida cops in March 2006 and charged with two counts of carrying a concealed firearm without a permit. According to Miami Beach police, Jeezy, 28, was busted after an alleged shootout in South Beach involving members of his entourage. After officers stopped him and his crew a short time later, they found Jeezy with a semi-automatic gun under his seat and another near the armrest. He was then transported to the Miami-Dade County jail where he posed for the above mug shot. (Source)

So Hot, I Don't Need A Fucking Title

2006-03-15T22:37:00.000-06:00

Guess Who's Bizaack? It's been a minute since I have posted on here so I should have a lot say, but I really don't. I celebrated my birthday all weekend, and it was probably one of my best birthdays ever. I even called in at work on Sunday, which I NEVER do, and to be honest I didn't feel a bit of guilt doing it. I got my mind back and I'm feeling good. Thank you everybody who wished me a Happy Birthday, it was really appreciated.

This past week I have been watching a lot of model/fashion t.v shows (America's Next Top Model and 8th and Ocean). I think its safe to say I am obsessed with models. I just think they are beautiful, male and female. I don't know what it is, but I just have a fascination and appreciation for beautiful species. I think beautiful comes in all shapes and sizes, but there is just one person I personally think is just damn near perfection. He is not a model, but he should be.

Alton Williams

Alot of you might know him from The Real World Las Vegas or from the Gauntlet. If anybody is wondering, He and Irulan are no longer together and the shackles have come off.

As New York from Flava of Love would say, "He is just a beautiful, scrumptous man." 5 feet 11 inches of Dark chocolate and a Grade A certified shlong. He looks like a African Mandingo Warrior. Black is Truly Beautiful.

If anyone has any nude shots of him, I will gladly accept them as a belated birthday gift.

It's Ya Birthday!

2006-03-09T23:42:00.000-06:00

Well today is my birthday, I'm officially 24 years old and in gay years I think that's like 29 (just a rough estimate). I don't know how I'm suppose to feel. I'm not super excited or anything, because in the past I have had a few bad birthdays, but if I feel anything at all, it would just be blessed. I'm happy to be alive and well, so I guess I can't complain too much. But it would realllllyyyyy be nice if for once I had someone special to share my birthday with, I guess I will just have to make the best of it like always.

On to other things, Last night was probably like my gayest night of television ever, America's Next Top Model and Project Runway all in the same night, what more could I have asked for? Originally I pegged Jade and Gina as my two favorites, but that quickly changed once they opened their mouths. I really like Nnenna, Kari, and Brooke. I just have one question, what the fuck is up with Furonda? There is no reason, one should ever be on television looking that messed up, she looked like she just escaped the plantation. Also when that chick Danielle said she didn't know what regal meant, I couldn't help but cringe. Black people we gotta do better! I think this is gonna be a good season. I can't predict a winner just yet.

I am so bummed that Santino lost Project Runway. I seriously thought he had the best collection last night. Is it weird that he was starting to look kind of hot to me? Chloe's collection looked very retro and not in a good way. I didn't understand the big, puffy, marshmallow sleeves, but I guess she deserved to win. She acted like she didn't care about winning, and she already has her own store and is already successful, so I thought Santino was a shoe in. Daniel V's collection was a big yawn to me, I actually expected more from him. But the party must go on, so on that note, I'm gonna go enjoy my Birthday.

Penis To Punani

2006-02-24T00:27:00.000-06:00

I was driving to work the other day, and on my way there I drove by a very interesting billboard. I had to make sure I was reading it correctly. There is apparently a big conference this weekend in St.Louis for people affected by homosexuality and would like to become straight.

I dont understand why so-called religious folks are some of the biggest hypocrites. I didn't know being GAY was a CHOICE. You are what you are, it is what it is. You can't change the way God has made you, but if you would like to be converted from a HOMO to HETERO click here.

Chain Of Fools

2006-02-20T21:45:00.000-06:00

Music- LoveFool by The Cardigans

I have often complained about being single and wanting to be in a relationship with someone. I didn’t think about this until recently, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that I am single at the moment. I look at some of my family and friends, and see how love has and is making a fool out of them. All the drama, lying, unanswered questions and feelings, and not to mention the cheating. I can honestly say right now, I’m happy that I am single and its not me dealing with all the possibilities of wrong that come with being a relationship. I refuse to be one of those people who are stuck on stupid and some of those people are my friends, but they drain me emotionally with all their daily bullshit. I have gotten to the point now, where I don’t want to hear what’s going in their relationships, because honestly I DON’T GIVE A DAMMMNNN!

I am seriously surrounded by fools, plagued with stupidity, and blinded by so-called love. A friendship of 13 years is in jeopardy, because my best friend has decided to enter the contest, for Simple Chick of the year. I never thought she would be one of those females who let a man play with her head and heart, but I have been proven wrong. I’m tired of hearing how depressed she is and how she doesn’t know what to do. One day she’s through with him and the next she is ignoring my phone calls, because she is with him and is too embarrassed to tell me.

My sister falls right into the ignorant, ghetto, baby-mama drama syndrome that plagues so many people. Her relationship with her boyfriend is equivalent to Ike Turner meets Shanehneh. It’s just drama on top of drama and she has brought my family nothing but embarrassment, since the first day she met her renaissance man, who happens to not only be a high school drop out, but a thief, drug dealer, and a boy-who-likes-boys. I don't know what it is, but for alot of chicks, if you don't have a criminal record, they are not interested. Last year on my block, my family broke the record for having the most number of police visits at our resident, all thanks to my sister and her boyfriend.

Love is a beautiful thing, but when it causes you to make an ass out of yourself, that’s when it turns ugly. I think sometimes people just refuse to see the truth, and just think maybe they are not doing what it takes to make the relationship work. I guess love really is blind on a lot of levels. I would love to fall in love, be in love, sleep in love, be love, be loved but, I WILL NOT BE ANYONE’S FOOL…EVER, I will leave that shit up to the fag hags, like Star Jones and Terry McMillan (You hoes know and knew, stop acting brand new!)

Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl, Transvestite

2006-02-17T12:07:00.000-06:00

Pentecostal minister Hezekiah Walker, one of the most renowned Black ministers in the nation, is a reported homosexual. This startling revelation has come out during his extremely bitter divorce from his longtime wife Monique.

According to sources close to the divorce, Monique Walker suspected that something was awry when her husband infected her with a sexually transmitted disease. After confronting Pastor Walker about the disease, he reportedly admitted to carrying on an affair with a man who wears women's clothing and a blond wig. Sources claim that Walker then forced his wife and children from their home so that he could live in peace with his transvestite lover.

Pastor Walker's down-low lifestyle is particularly shocking given that he has been an outspoken critic of homosexual lifestyles.

A member of Pastor Walker's congregation seemed relieved about the news, explaining that she's "glad the cat is finally out of the bag." According to the woman, "many churchgoers left the church because of all the rumors [concerning Pastor Hezekiah Walker's sexuality], and hopefully now the Pastor will step down and the church members can come back."

Hezekiah Walker is probably best known for his gospel recordings which earned him 2 Grammy Awards and 10 nominations. He also performed alongside Mariah Carey during last weeks Grammy Awards. (source)

Suprising? Maybe. Shocking? Not at all. Speak on it!!

Stupid Cupid

2006-02-15T00:21:00.000-06:00

Music: Don't Disturb This Groove- Ready for the World

Yesterday I must have checked out at least 100 people all buying cheesy Valentine’s Day cards, balloons, flowers, etc. Mainly people seemed to be buying condoms and chocolate. Since when does chocolate=a sure bet of getting some sex. I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, at all. I don’t believe it in. It’s a big fat scam if you ask me. If you’re a so-called happy couple in love, then why do you need to have a day to recognize it, you should celebrate your love everyday.

Half of the people who are buying all these elaborate gifts are not even buying them for their significant others, they are buying them for the mistress. I guess it makes since, since the mistress is the one who’s sucking your dick, of course you wouldn’t want to jeopardize weekly blowjobs. If I sound bitter, I’m not. I just refuse to celebrate a day where a white, little, chubby boy with a perm gone badly shoots you in the ass with an arrow. If I want to get to shot in the ass I’ll just go hunting with Dick Cheney.

Mandingo

2006-02-10T23:42:00.000-06:00

For some reason I am always put on the spot, whether it is at home, work, or school. People tend to always ask me off the wall questions in front of big groups of people. I don’t confide in too many people, so I guess there is always a big cloud of mystery surrounding me. Only two people truly know me, and that’s God and myself.

I have now actually become accustomed to being in uncomfortable situations and handling them very well. A few years ago, I was put in probably one of the most uncomfortable situations in my life at the time. It was 2002, spring semester, and I was a sophomore in college. I’m sitting in one of my favorite classes at the time, Ethics in The Media. The class is probably about 30 people max, and everyone is white, except for me. It didn’t really bother me, because I was use to being one of the few or only black people in all my classes. Today’s topic in class was stereotypes. The professor went around the room asking us to name a few common stereotypes about minorities. People raised their hand and said what they had to say. One girl then raises her hand and says, “All BLACK Men Have BIG PENISES.” People instantly start giggling and laughing. I begin to squirm in my seat a bit and laugh. Suddenly, the teacher says, “Let’s find out.” He then turns to me and calls me by name and says, “Do all BLACK men have BIG PENISES???” I was shocked as all eyes turned toward to me. It was like a scene in one of those teen movies, where you are the new kid in town and you enter the classroom on your first day and suddenly everyone stops what they are doing to look at you. It was embarrassing to say the least. Interestingly enough, I seemed to make quite a few new friends from the class, after that incident.

Supermarket, SuperBITCHES

2006-02-01T23:31:00.000-06:00

I’ve been a cashier at the grocery store for a minute now, and I hate it with a passion. The people I work with are cool, but the customers suck!! Most of the customers are white, middle to upper class people who think cashier is another word for servant. I come encounter with some of the biggest assholes on a regular basis. Some of the customers who come through my line act like they are at a drive-thru window and began dishing out all these demands left and right. I am sick of working with the public, at least in a grocery store environment. I probably just have a case of the PINK PEOPLE. Since people don’t know how to act, I guess I have to spell it out, so just follow along.

I consider myself to be a very polite dude. My momma didn’t raise no fool. I fucking hate though, when I greet a customer by saying “HELLO” and their only response is “I WANT PAPER!” I guess you are just waaayyyy to busy to acknowledge me. You’re SOOOO BUSY! You’re SOOO BUSY!

I don’t understand customers who complain about the line being long, but when I get to them and I’m ready to check them out, they are not even fucking prepared. They take forever writing the check out or finding their credit card. HAVE YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!, before you get to the front of the line.

The rule in most grocery stores is to card anyone who looks to be under the age of 30. I don’t understand for the life of me, why people who look like they could be HARRIET TUBMAN’S mother or father, attempt to show their I.D when buying liquor or get mad when I don’t card them.

I fucking hate when customers come in the store, thinking we owe them something. I don’t understand when people come in and buy a shit load of groceries and they have their 3 big ass teenage sons with them, and have the fucking nerve to ask the bagger for help out to the car with their groceries. WHY THE FUCK do you need help out?? Have your fucking LAZY ASS KIDS help you with your groceries!!!

I don’t know what it is, but for some reason in my line, I always get the black people who are notorious for writing bad checks. I can easily spot them now, because they always buy the same thing, CONDOMS, BEER, and CHICKEN. Then, when I go to run the check thru, it’s denied. STOP THE MADNESS!

If your order comes to a total $20.38 and you give me $21.00, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT wait until I tender in $21.00 to then say “Oh I got .35 cents. THAT SHIT IRKS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!

Finally, I respect my elders and all that jazz, but enough is enough. It seems like every person over 50 who comes in my line, has back problems, just had surgery on a leg, foot, eye etc. and they always say the same thing. “I want double paper and make them light!” WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF THAT???!!!If you want the bags light, why not just use the plastic bags, which have handles on them!!!

So all I ask is that next time you go into a grocery store and you have a “nice cashier” which is rare in most places, just try to treat them a little better and acknowledge their presence. It’s not an easy job so just be a little more appreciative.

Gay It Forward: Old Dog, New Tricks

2006-01-27T23:03:00.000-06:00

Idris Elba-33 years old

I remember being in 8th grade and having the biggest crush on my computer teacher Mr.Brown. He had to be at least in his early 30's at the time. He was about 6ft tall, brown eyes, skin the color of cocoa butter, and big feet.

There is just something about older men that I find very appealing and refreshing. I may be wrong about this, but it seems to me, it might be ("might be" being the operative phrase)easier to date an older man as opposed to a younger one. Let's be real, men in their twenties including myself are still searching and exploring, trying to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. By the time most men hit 30, they are pretty sure of who they are, or at least who they aren't. The mind games tend to stop, or at the least die slowly.......hmmmm..well I don't know if the games ever stop for anyone, but we can dream.

Right now, I really can't see myself dating someone younger than me. I'm only 23, but I look at dudes who are 21 and under as kids ( I know, like I'm so grown right). I am truly looking for that grown man sexy swagger. Young guys (18-21) are cute to look at, but that's where it stops.

Would you date someone 10 years older than you? What age is too old for you?

Conceited? Confident? or Convinced?

2006-01-26T00:44:00.000-06:00

I don't even know what to think about this cover. I really just think its for record sales and more controversy, not to mention the Grammys are coming up. So let's feed into the controvery, that is KanyeWest. What do you all think about this cover of Kanye West as Jesus?

Nobody Said It Was Easy

2006-01-26T00:00:00.000-06:00

It's only the middle of the week, but it feels like Friday. My body feels overworked and my brain is on a mental pause. It's been a pretty rough week. Sunday after work, I went out to dinner with my family and friends, which is always cool. One of my friends at dinner let me know that she finally graduated from school ( we hadn't seen in each other in a minute) and that she was going to have her first day teaching 1st grade on Monday. Everyone at the table commented on how they were so proud of her including myself. Then another friend of mine discussed how he was going to be enrolling in the radiology program in the fall, everyone commended him on his efforts (including myself again). It was at that moment, as I sat in my uniform at the dinner table surrounded by my closest friends and family, everyone is making plans and moving forward with their lives, except for me.

My feelings from Sunday, carried over into Monday. It's like everywhere I turned, there was a reminder of what my life has become or not become. As arrived at the metro link station to wait for my connecting bus, I walked over to sit down on one of the benches. I took a sit and when I looked over to the right of me I was looking dead into the ad for the radio station I interned at last year, which is one of the places I thought I would be working at today. *Sigh* Then as I get up to walk around to keep from freezing to death, an empty Pepsi can hits my foot. When I worked at the radio station, I would do a lot of live remotes and Pepsi was the main sponsor. *Sigh* Finally my bus arrives, but before I am able to get on the bus, an older lady jumps in front of me and eagerly greets me, I remember her instantly from the bus I use to ride faithfully when I was in college. We exchanged pleasantries as I pull my coat closer together to cover up my uniform. I feel like crap by the time I arrived to work on Monday.

I am not use to feeling like the under achiever. I am use to being on honor roll and receiving awards and plaques for my academic achievements. I am use to being praised by my mom and dad for being such a good son. Now all I hear is, "When are you moving out?", "When are you going to get a real job?" I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I don't know if I'm coming or going. I am not where I thought I would be at 23, at all. I don't like being depressed about this, but its hard. I wanna be happy, but I don't know how to.

Best Week Ever

2006-01-20T23:35:00.000-06:00

And You Thought Crack was Wack? I'm pretty sure these CrackHeads would tell you differently.

Todd Bridges is doing a Different Stroke..literally..on Skating with Celebrities.

Bobby Brown is rumored to be back with New Edition and going on tour with SWV.

Flava Flav is still milking his 15 mins back in the limelight, with his 3rd reality show, The Flavor of Love.

Have A Good Weekend Ya'll!

A Damn Shame!!

2006-01-18T19:37:00.000-06:00

U Ain't Gots Ta Lie Craig..U Ain't Gots Ta Lie!

2006-01-18T13:54:00.000-06:00

The Internet is often called the information highway, but for some people its nothing more than a cyber playground to create different identities for themselves. It's so easy to deceive someone via the Internet. You may think you are talking to a chick, who claims to be Half Black/Asian, 5 foot 6, 130 lbs, long hair to the middle of her back, and hazel green eyes, but in reality your talking to a chick, who is Black, 5 foot 3, 230 lbs, with hazel green contacts, and hair so short she has to roll it up with rice, and to top it off "SHE" could really be a "HE".

Lies, Lies, Lies, the lies people tell on the Internet. From my experience, it seems gay men probably as well as straight men share some of the same lies. Go to any websites, such as Adam4Adam or Men4Now, chances are you will hear a lot of the same repetitive and recycled lies. I decided to compile a list of the most common lies men tell over the Internet.

Lie--I am 25 years old.

Truth--I am 35 years old, but people tell me I have a baby face.

Lie--I am a vers TOP.

Truth--I am a strict bottom, but I fucked my first girlfriend once when I thought I was straight.

Lie--I am Black and Latino. (Remember on Blackplanet how they made you choose your nationality? I swear, every Negro on there, was mixed with either Asian or Latino)

Truth--I'm BLACK, African American, A Negro, Colored..Etc and I have a S Curl kit in my hair..

Lie--I am a dancer/choreographer.

Truth--I'm a stripper/unemployed.

Lie--I live with my roommate.

Truth--I live with my Mama.

Lie-I'm single.

Truth--I am on the DL and live with my wife and 3 kids.

Lie--I promise I'll warn you before I cum.

Truth--My bad, did it get in your eye?

Lie--I'm a Masseuse.

Truth--I’m a hooker/escort.

Lie--My dick is 9 inches (For some reason, every man's dick seems to grow to 9 inches when talking on the internet).

Truth--Apply the rule of 3, that nigga's dick is 6 inches on a good day.

Back To New York

2006-01-13T23:19:00.000-06:00

It's that time again. I'm planning my trip to go back to New York. I guess I am too anxious and geeked, oh well. The first time I went in October, was an experience to remember and I'll never forget. My first impression of New York was so disappointing, when I arrived at the empty, dungeon-like LaGuardia airport, and the cloudy gray weather didn't help either, but things quickly turned around. The whole trip went very well and I had hella fun.

I looked up the airfare for a flight from St.Louis to New York, and its $316.00 plus tax. I'm like damn, last time I only payed $200.00 dollars. I was hoping to spend most of my money on my feet and back, but I see I'm going to have to make some adjustments. This time my excitement and anticipation is multiplied times 10. For one, I get to stay in the city this time, we stayed in Queens during our last trip. Secondly, and old friend and some new friends are coming with me, so it should be very interesting. We are suppose to be staying at some hotel called The Cosmopolitan, which is in the Tribeca neighborhood. I also just realized that I will be there during the Tribeca Film Festival. I guess that could be a reason why my airfare is so much more expensive this time.

I'm trying to figure out some different places to go to as far as shopping and eating. I've done Cafeteria and The Pink Tea Cup. I also would like to go to a club, gay/straight, really doesn't matter. If there is anybody from NYC or familiar with NYC, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Also has anyone ever heard of or stayed atThe Cosmopolitan hotel? If so, what are your thoughts on it?

And, Where are The BOYS???

Cyclops Kitty

2006-01-12T17:22:00.000-06:00

This is Cy (short for Cyclops). I was surfing the internet and came across this. it scared the shit out of me. This kitten was born on December 28, 2005,but died shortly after. He was born with only one big eye in the place where his nose should be. The owner of the cat has kept his dead body and put it in the freezer. It's kind of sad, but creepy as hell.

Read More..........

Vagina..Schmagina...

2006-01-10T20:46:00.000-06:00

I fucking hate Monday’s and nobody fucks up a Monday like I do. This is 2006, a new year, so I’m trying to have new attitude and be more positive, but damn it’s hard, when you have days like I do.

As stated before, in a previous post, I am a cashier. Being a cashier you never know whom you are going to meet, therefore it is necessary to look your best at all times. After checking myself out in the mirror, I start my day on the express lane, which is the busiest lane. A few hours past, my day is going as well as can be expected, despite the fact that I am hella sick and not feeling well at all.My line is fairly long at this point and I notice a very handsome, sexy, dark skinned brother in my line. I recognize him instantly as a regular customer, whom I have had the biggest crush on for the longest. I don’t know if he is gay, straight, bi, or whatever, but for some reason I am drawn to him. So, he finally reaches the front of my line. I greet him and ask him the usual questions, plastic or paper? Blah blah ……etc. I try to make eye contact with him whenever the chance presents itself. This is where things went from okay to just plain and ridiculously embarrassing.

Sexy Ass Customer: Ummm..Can I get a pack of VirGINIA Slims?

Kaos: *I don’t smoke cigarettes at all, so I always have a hard time finding them*(Searching for the cigarettes) You said, VirGINA Slims right? (Fuck Me Sideways! Did I just say VirGINA???!)

Sexy Ass Customer: (Smirking and small chuckle) Yea

I was no good after that, all I could do was give him his groceries and force a small smile. No wonder I'm single. Maybe I should grow a mullet, buy a plaid flannel shirt, and go speak at the VAGINA monologues.

Shut Up Bitch!

2006-01-07T01:22:00.000-06:00

The other night some friends and I went to what ghetto black people consider fancy, expensive, and high class, Red Lobster. We walk through the doors, where the two hosts standing at the front podium greet us. The first host was a little black girl who looked to be about 16 at least, with braces, wearing a long weave ponytail, standing next to her was a black guy a little on the healthy side (nothing wrong with that, I am a thick dude myself) who looked to be about 20 or 21 maybe. He wore a low hair cut which looked like it had 2 buckets of gel in it and when I looked closely at him, I could see he was wearing lip gloss of some sort, seeing this my gaydar immediately goes off. I greet them both hello as I walk closer to them. The male host quickly asks me, “How many in your party?” I respond, “Five.” Would you like smoking or non? “Non”, I reply. “What’s your name?” he asks. I tell him my last name as he scribbles down the information on his little notepad. “Thanks” I say as I go to sit down and wait with my other friends.

20 minutes later my friends and I are finally seated. We are all flipping through the menus trying to figure out what we want to eat, when the male host from earlier comes out of nowhere asking for our drink orders. He goes around the table one by one, and when he finally gets to me, he asks, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” I reply, “Not that I know of.” He gives me a little smirk and I say, “I’ll have a Dr.Pepper.” He leaves and comes back a few minutes later with our drinks and leaves again. Finally a waitress comes over and takes our order. We get our food, were drinking, talking, laughing, and having a nice dinner. By the time everyone is done with their food, the restaurant is pretty empty, since they are about to close in 30 minutes or so.

As my friends and I are sitting around conversing, the male host from earlier come back to our table with what looked like a new coating of lip gloss, and asks, “Is everything OK? Do ya’ll want some more to drink?” Everyone just shakes their head and says, “Nah we’re good.” The host then turns to me and asks, “You sure I don’t know you from somewhere?” I respond, “I’m sure.” Right before smacking his lips really loud, he then asks, “Do you know somebody named Tyrell or Jason? You ever been to FACES (which is a Gay club)?” I feel all eyes on me at the table, feeling really annoyed and uncomfortable at this point, I respond nonchalantly, “Nah.” He then goes on to say, “You look like this dude my friend use to talk to.” I respond, “I’m pretty sure we don’t know each other.” He then stares at me for a second,as if I am lying,and says, “Alright ya’ll have a nice night.” Once he is out of sight everybody starts laughing and joking about what just happened. I laugh nervously as we get our coats and pay our bill. What just happened? Was I just OUTED at Red Lobster???

Oh Brandy

2006-01-04T12:50:00.000-06:00

Music: Brandy- Where You Wanna Be featuring T.I

Remember when Brandy was actually cute? Yea that does seem like a century ago. I Wanna Be Down use to be my shit when I was in the 7th grade. I am just really puzzled as to what is wrong with her these days. I am still a Brandy fan at heart. I am even one of the few that thinks Brandy hasn't fallen completely off, but damn, enough is enough. Somebody needs to organize an intervention and ask her what the fucks really good? You got dough, get ya wig fixed and hire a stylist, do something! I feel like Nettie from the Color Purple, “WHHYYY, WHHYYYY!” Why would you come out in public looking like Tito Jackson and ET’s lovechild, that shit just ain't right. Every picture I saw of her in 2005, she wore the same raggedy ass wig and the same constipated look on her face, hopefully 2006 will be different. I Love you Brandy, but stop the Shenanigans!!!

We Miss U!

Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself

2006-01-04T00:32:00.000-06:00

My name is Koncious Kaos. Koncious Kaos represents the beautiful struggle that I battle and face everyday within myself, sorry if you thought it was something deeper. I look at a lot of blogs and can appreciate the amount of black, gay bloggers on here, ranging from lawyers, professional journalists, and students,working on there second Masters. I am just a normal dude, living life. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and I hold a B.A in Media Communications. My ultimate dream is to move to New York and work for HBO.

I have a bad habit of comparing my blog to the blogs of people I admire. I have been blogging since late August and one thing that blogging has taught me, is that I am not as good of a writer that I thought I was. In college I could type a term paper, essay, or report at the last minute and still somehow manage at least a B. I learned that writing about my feelings and life is harder than writing a 20-page term paper on the Regulation of Gene Expression via Activation of Neuronal Nicotinic Acetylcholine Receptors.

I am not a big fan of politics, I don’t read literary novels, I’m not a gay activist, I don’t write poems, and I thought Brandy’s last album Afrodisiac was superlative. So all I am left with is myself, my life, my struggles, my Koncious Kaos.

Kaos Hates Everybody

2005-12-30T18:57:00.000-06:00

I would like to apologize first hand, before anyone reads this post. I’m very angry and confused, so this post may seem like one big incomplete rant. This weekend is a new year supposedly; instead it feels like the same shit times 2. Every time I try to be positive and optimistic, it feels like God throws a big gigantic rock in the way. I am just tired of a lot of people in my life and feeling unappreciated.

I wake up this morning feeling semi-good, only to be knocked back to reality with the sounds of my sister and mother going into round 2 of their WWF match, I guess they didn’t get enough of each other yesterday. So, I call my best friend L.J (click here), and she agrees to come pick me up within 45 minutes. Just my fucking luck that my dad and his nephew (my cousin) are trying to fix the bathroom sink, by installing some bootleg faucet, so much for taking a hot shower. I attempt to go into kitchen while WW3 is going on and dampen my towel so I can wash up at least. I finish washing up in my room, ironing my clothes on my bed, by this point I just feel overwhelmed and still dirty (I HATE taking wash-ups). A hour passes L.J still hasn’t shown up, she calls and says she will be here an hour or so later than she originally planned. Three hours later she calls telling me about how confused she is about the relationship between her and the guy I can’t stand anymore at this point. She goes on and on asking me for advice about what she should do. I interrupt her and asks is she still coming to get me, she beings to ramble about this is and that, so I knew that meant no. I wanted to call her a lot of names and curse her out, but instead I just politely told her I was going to sleep and call me later.

It’s now 6:24 P.M. on a Friday night and I’m heated. I basically got dressed for nothing, just to sit around and wake up to realize I’m babysitting my niece, without being asked first. I’m just tired of selfish ass people in my life, my mom, sister, and so-called friends. I am always the person everyone comes to when they have problems or issues, but when I have my own issues nobody is there for me. I am always the one everyone depends on to get important things done. I am a good friend, good son, and a good brother, but nobody appreciates shit that I do. L.J pissed me off the most. I just hate how blind and selfish she is when she is in a relationship. She puts that nigga before anyone and ditches me every chance she gets.

Fuck New Years Eve tomorrow, I’m staying my black ass home and getting drunk by my damn self. I might as well anyway, no man, and no “real” friends”. For once I would love to be someone’s priority and have someone care for me, the way I care for everyone else. It really would have been nice if I could have spent New Years Eve with someone special, I guess that’s like asking for rain in a desert. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I don’t know what to do.

Gay It Forward: Hot Flaming Cheetos

2005-12-28T23:56:00.000-06:00

Welcome to another week of Gay It Forward. Gay It Forward is just a weekly post, dedicated to gay men and gay people period, where advice comes from the best possible source, YOU.

Gay men are like condoms, they come in a variety of shapes, sizes, and flavors. You have your homothugs, Abercrombie & Bitches, DL's, bears, twinks ( I don't know what that means, just see it on porn sites), straight "acting", and your classic Effeminate and Masculine gay men. It's all about a matter preference, as Alex of Noah's Arc said, "Some men like their men with a tank full of sugar."

It's Saturday night and you have been talking to Freaky-Bi-Nature online for about 2 weeks. He has sent you a picture and you like what you see. He tells you he is a masculine kat and is just looking to chill with another masculine dude. You two decide to meet at your apartment at 10 P.M. sharp. You shower and put on your sexiest boxer briefs. It's 9:58 P.M. and you hear the doorbell ring. You open the door and to your horror, only to be greeted by a Flaming Queen.

Do U:

A) Open and slam the door in his face
B) Let him in and fake sick, forcing him to leave
C) Invite him in and try to get to know him, even though he may not be your type

What's A Gay To Do?

We Need A Resolution

2005-12-27T09:43:00.000-06:00

It will be 2006 in only a matter days and 2005 will be no more. 2005 has been an unforgettable year, thanks to the likes of:

Hurricane Katrina

Kanye West's famous rant

The emergence of Noah's Arc

Mariah's Comeback

Karrine "Superhead" Steffans

Hip Hop Is Dead- Shake That Laffy Taffy
Candy Shop
Hoe Sit Down
Mike Jones, Mike Jones, Mike Jones

Horrible Television- Being Bobby Brown (Crack is wack)
Ultimate Hustler

Award Shows- VMA's, Vibe, all those bitches

Good Television-Series Finale of Six Feet Under

I'm Locked Up- Lil Kim and Cassidy

Fresh to Deaf- Foxxy Brown

You'll Never Find a HairLine Like Mine- Mary J. Blige

Mr. Whoop That Trick Terrence Howard- I see an Oscar coming

December 15, marked the 1 year anniversary of my graduation from college and I have yet to do anything with my hard earned degree. I still work at the same job performing the same ol 2 step, all this shit is about to STOP. I am not big on making New Year's resolutions, because my attitude is always same-shit-different-year, but I'm trying to be optimistic this year.

Get an apartment
Get my master's
Get my driver's license (sad I know)
Branch out of my comfort zone
Focus on me, me, me ,me
Grow my hair back out
Get a new job
Get some culture
Get my mind right
Offer my services to the community
Travel more
GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!

I don't think those are unrealistic resolutions, but I guess we will see what happens.
What's your New Year's Resolution?

Malik 4 Maurice

2005-12-21T13:04:00.000-06:00

Match.com, Blackvoices.com, and Yahoo Personals just to name a few are some of the leaders of the online dating trend, which seems to have grown even bigger over the past couple of years. I don't know if this assumption is correct or not, but just hypothetically speaking, online dating seems to be the number 1 way to meet other gay men. I don't think its the best way, but it certainly seems to be the most popular way of dating in the gay community.

I remember back in the day, you could find me on any given day in the Blackplanet Gay chatroom (Blackplanet use to be the shit in college). In August of this year I started blogging thanks to a friend of mine, and I must say I have met a lot more genuine people on here, than any chatroom. I swear blogging is like the new Blackplanet. Last week, I was feeling pretty restless one night, so out of boredom and against my better judgment I created a Adam4Adam profile. I had a profile on there previously earlier this year, but the whole experience got kind of old, but when your bored, what can ya do?

This time when I created my profile, I also uploaded my picture, and I must say the response was not what I expected. What a difference having a picture can make. A couple of days later (after they approved my picture) I begin to receive messages on a regular basis. The first few days it felt good to get emails that said I was attractive, cute, or whatever, but now I feel I'm right back where I started, and I'm bored and irritated with this so called online dating. Sometimes I have to seriously ask myself, DO GAY MEN DATE ANYMORE? I can't see myself just having sex with some random kat from the internet. Every email I get now, is either some guy with his ass cheeks spread who's profile reads, "Not into Games" followed by "Only looking for other DL Niggas" or emails from guys who have limited vocabulary who only know how to introduce themselves by short emails that simply read "Sup."

It's been almost 2 weeks since I have been on Adam4Adamn, and I have yet to find anyone I'm mutually interested in, its almost like trying to find a needle in a GAYSTACK. I guess I have to accept the fact that internet dating is not for me. I would much rather meet a dude on more normal terms anyway or just out and about by chance, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Scared Straight

2005-12-16T10:09:00.000-06:00

I will be the first to admit, I love porn. I like the black, nasty, raw, sweaty ones especially. The other day I was practicing a little self love, relieving some stress. Once reaching my peak, I cleaned up and begin to put all and any evidence away. It's always the one time you forget to eject the porn out of the DVD player, your friends wanna surprise you and watch a DVD. I opened up my CD booklet with my collection of Adult DVD's, and inserted my flick of the day back in its place. I begin to flip through my little book of fun, looking at all the movies I had collected over the years, Chasing The Big Ones, BootyTalk #24, Something About Jack,and Freak , Flows, and Hoes. I realized my porn collection lacked any variety or fetishes. They were all black and straight, with the exception of two gay flicks. I'm not big on gay porn at all, especially. LESBIAN girl on girl action. Lesbian porn freaks me out a little bit to be honest with all the fingering, poking, and jabbing,which brings me to 1994.

As Big Dee Dee would say, The Year:1994, The Place: Northside of St.Louis, Age:12. It was the beginning of a typical Monday night, as my mom gathered her exercise mat and bottled water, and prepared for her weekly aerobics class. My little sister and I sat in the kitchen completing our homework, as my mom rushed from room to room, attempting to be on time for a change. As she prepared to leave she called us to the front room as she stood in the doorway. We knew she was about to lecture us on the safety of staying home alone. My dad often worked nights so we were left home alone on more than one occasion. "Don't open this door for anybody, I don't care who it is. Even if its your Aunt Grace." she said, right before she left and hugged us one by one. My little sister and I raced to the window and peeked out the blinds, watching and waiting until she drove off. Once out of sight, we ran to the kitchen and rushed through the last of our homework.

Earlier that evening my mom brought us home a new VHS tape, and we couldn't wait to watch it. Once we completed our homework we quickly went into the T.V room and plopped down on the couch. I picked up the tape from the VHS rack, and excitedly ripped the shiny plastic off the cover box. I proceeded to put the tape in the VCR, but the tape wouldn't go in. Apparently there was already a tape in there, so I ejected it. I looked at the tape and saw the title read Black & Ghouly. "Ooohh", I said, "This sounds like a scary movie. You wanna watch this instead?" "I don't wanna watch a scary movie." my little sister said. "It'll be fun." I replied. I put the tape back in and pressed rewind. We listened and waited for the tape to stop and I pressed play. I turned off the lights excitedly, to get the extra affect of being scared.

The movie started and the words Black & Ghouly popped up on the screen with green slimy text. We watched the movie intensely as the opening scene began with a black woman with an afro coming out of a kitchen in her bath robe. She suddenly gets a knock at the door and another woman with an afro walks in. They sit on the couch and begin to talk, as the one woman begins to undo the other woman's robe. Eventually they both end up fully naked, and my little sister and I are watching in horror as one of the women begin to eat the other woman's big black hairy coochie. "Oh my god," I said. Mamas a lesbian. My little sister begin to cry. The camera goes up even closer and we can see the slob from the other woman's mouth on the lady's coochie, dripping wet. The loud sound of a car door slamming wakes us up out of the state of shock. Mama's home! I hurrily stopped the tape and turn the lights back. My mom walks through the door as me and my little sister look at her in disbelief. "What's wrong with ya"ll?" she asks. "Nothing were fine," I reply as I get up.

That night scarred me for life. I have been scared straight and only been able to enjoy straight porn every since that terrifying night in 1994. Its a very painful memory.

In case your wondering, we found out later that the tape belonged to my dad. Don't Ask.

Gay It Forward: ASSume The Position

2005-12-14T19:37:00.000-06:00

Everyone has their sexual limits or do they?

Your on a date with a very attractive and sexy guy. Dinner is great, conversation is good, and your looking nice and feeling naughty. One thing leads to another and you two end up back at his apartment. You begin to kiss, grope, and rip each others clothes off. Both of u fall on the bed, as he turns over on his stomach and you begin kiss him from his neck and lick a trail down to top of his ass. He then begins push his ass in the air and wiggle it, secretly signaling to you that he wants you to toss his salad. You are face to face with his ass, do u:

A) Add some dressing and toss that salad
B) Kindly give his ass a smack and a quick kiss
C) Tell him hell-to-the-nah, and u only eat salad with a fork.

Is tossing the salad out of the question or negotiable?

Breakup To Makeups

2005-12-08T13:39:00.000-06:00

Monday my best friend (click here) called to inform me that she and her boyfriend of a couple of months had broken up. Me. being the good friend I am, offered my support and a shoulder to cry on. Wednesday my best friend whom I will call L.J, came over and we talked about the breakup and what went wrong. L.J ask me did I think she invested too much too soon. For some reason, its always odd to me that my friends come to me for advice about dating and sex. For one, I have never really been in love, Secondly, I am not dating or seeing anyone at the moment, and Third, I'm not even having sex. Sometimes I wonder why my friends listen to my advice at all considering I don't have much experience in the relationship department. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I give pretty good advice just based on my common sense, so beep beep. I know me personally, I wouldn't take medical advice from a doctor with no credentials, so why take love advice from a person with no track record?

Gay It Forward: Bananas and Peaches

2005-12-07T11:17:00.000-06:00

I have been going through some changes with this blog and I have come to a decision. I would like to make this blog a little bit less about me and a little bit more about you, so with that said I am starting a new weekly post entitled Gay It Forward. Gay It Forward is sort of my community service for the gay community. I will not be giving advice but rather just posing questions, the advice will come from you all.. Hopefully the advice given from the different readers will help other newbie gays (such as myself) and gays period along their road of fabulousness, love, sex and life.

The Approach

Straight people have the luxury of assuming every male likes pussy and every female likes dick. Being gay you don't have the luxury of assuming the cute dude across the street likes dick. The only time you can really assume that the cute guy across from you likes dick, is in a gay setting, and that's sometimes even dubious.

Your shopping in the grocery store and you end up in the produce section. Your thinking about buying some bananas as you pick up one and inspect it. You look up and notice there is a very cute guy in front of you, checking out the pomegranates. You want to approach him, but your not sure if he is gay, DL, bi, or straight.
How do u approach men that you are not sure are gay? Is there a signal, a password, a secret hand shake?

Breathe Me

2005-12-05T22:37:00.000-06:00

Music- Breathe Me by Sia

I typically use this post to rant and complain and to just voice my opinion. I was looking back at a few of my original post and was surprised and disappointed at how negative they were. I realized that I complain ....a lot even sometimes, and some people can view that as negativity.

I pride myself on being optimistic and positive, but to be honest I get tired of hearing myself complain about things I can not control. When you think about it, are we even in control of our lives? We can make all the plans we want, but plans can fall through. I would like to believe everything happens for a reason, everyone has their own destiny and fate. My mom still says to this day, "Life is what you make it." Life is all about risks and taking chances, but I think I'm just afraid of failing and falling flat on my face. When your young, your taught that life is suppose to be about fun and exploring. But what happens when you are a grown ass man? You become cautious and learn that you can fail, and life becomes less fun and more scary, but to be honest I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of treading the water, I'm ready to jump in head first and just simply LIVE.

We are human, we make mistakes. Mistakes are what make us who we are, they shape our fate and lives. I realized that is the reason I am probably single and I hate my job, because I don't take enough chances or allow myself to try something new without the fear of making mistakes. Its so easy and convenient to sit back and complain, and never really take action. I realize now that if I live my life on the same path that I am on now, I will never take a chance on love or life. If you think about it, if we never got off the same straight and narrow path, we wouldn't be able to enjoy life to the fullest, fall in love, or maybe even become the people we are today. So with that said, let the games begin.

Pink Is The New DICK

2005-11-29T23:54:00.000-06:00

I love my brothas, from the thugs to the professionals, cornrows to dreads, average body to thick brothas, and yellow to blue black. I have never had a certain type of dude that I am only attracted to, I happen to like a wide variety of men, Latino, Asian, Native American etc. As of lately though, I have found myself more and more attracted to the white guys. I don't know what it is. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against white people or interracial dating, I am a black gay man, I don't have much room to be a racist too. More often than lately I have been feeling a STRONG attraction to white guys. In the past I would see a white guy and would think to myself "he's cute" and thats it, but it feels different now. I picture myself having sex with some of the attractive white men I come in contact.

White men come in as wide of a variety as black men, but I usually find myself attracted to 3 main type of white guys. The first one being the Dark Horse- Dark hair, well dressed, well groomed, and usually wears a watch. The second one is the Cute Nerd- the cute nerd seems to be popular among gay and straight people, but he isn't necessarily smart, he just has the appearance of a nerd, clothes are usually not trendy just very basic, and wears chic glasses. But behind the questionable clothes and glasses he is very cute. Last you have the classic Sexy and Nice guy, think Matthew McConaughey.

I also notice my interaction with white males is a little different from my interaction with my black counterparts, just in small instances. White men seem to be a little more out there in terms of flirting subtly. Its just a different vibe altogether, can't really explain it or put my finger on it.I would date outside my race in a heartbeat and that includes someone white. Any way you look at it, dick is dick. If you suck a white guys dick, will it not grow? All dicks shoot out the same creamy white substance, unless your a regular at the free clinic, then one might shoot out a different color.

House Of Bre

2005-11-26T22:08:00.000-06:00

Is it her raspy Harlem accent or that-bitch-is-crazy attitude that makes me and apparently others love her so much?

If you are a fan of America's Next Top Model then u should be familiar with this bronze mahogany Mona Lisa. Bre u really disappointed me this past Wednesday night with ur childish antics, almost to the point where Ms. Tyra Banks was about to send your ass packing, but by the grace of the big G,we have been blessed with ur presence for another week.

Bre you said it best when you said, "God Don't Like Ugly", but even when showing yo ass for some reason I still find u to be too damn cute. Ms.Bre you have my heart win or lose.

*****Spoiler Alert*****

Speaking of Win or Lose. Could this (click here) be the ANTM winner? She even has a publicist.She (click here) is drop dead gorgeous, but I have yet to really make a connection with her, and I find her pretty boring, but I wouldn't be upset if she won. I think if she won, it would be another bad case of Naima. Poor Naima, who's pitching Cover Girl products at Walgreens.

My Saving Grace

2005-11-23T10:22:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm grateful and appreciative for my life, but do u ever wake up some days just mad or sad for no reason? That's how I feel today. It could be a lot of obvious things, like the fact that I am single and keep making eye contact with very attractive men and then...nothing or could it be the fact that Noah's Arc is a repeat tonight..Damn u LOGO. Deep down I know the real reason why I'm feeling down is because it feels like I'm losing my best friend.

Good friends, are few, far, and in between, I think that's how the saying goes. I have some friends, a lot of associates, but only 2 best friends. One of my best friends happens to be a female, whom I've known since 2nd grade. She was the prettiest girl in my class, and every boy had a crush on her including me. I remember writing her love letters and proclaiming my undying love for her on more than one occasion when I was in grade school. But now we are adults and she has a real love, a new boyfriend.

She has had boyfriends before while I have had girlfriends, but this time it seems so much different. I rarely see her anymore, let alone do anything together. We only communicate via email or telephone and its just not the same. I like her new boyfriend, he cool peeps, but sometimes I selfishly wish they would break up. I know that's mean, but it is what it is. I hate how some friends get new boyfriends or girlfriends, and seem to forget about their friends in the process. Every waking moment, every concern, every word, every thought, and everything becomes about that significant other. They become less of a friend and more of couple. They become one brain with only one thought between the two of them. I know I know, if I had a love life of my own, I wouldn't be concerned with anyone elses, but I don't so fuck all that. I am happy for my friend, I just miss the girl who's the GRACE to my WILL.

21 Questions...Well Almost

2005-11-18T23:20:00.000-06:00

Today I went to the barbershop to get a fresh cut, my Thursday ritual. Today was like any other day, except it was cold as fugggg. I had to break out the parka. So I'm sitting in the chair, watching t.v, my eyes getting pretty heavy. I don't know what it is about getting a haircut that makes me so relaxed. As my eyes are getting heavy, I do one of those embarrassing hard ass nods, where your head snaps back really quick and wakes you up. I open my eyes abruptly and adjust them. Am I seeing correctly? Does one of the other barbers have on a pair of UGG boots. My eyes are not deceiving me, the barber is wearing a pair off UGG boots with a pair of slacks and one of those tacky, fake, silky, Versace circa 1993 shirts, and to top it off, it looked like he had just watered his Jheri curl, because that shit was looking extra juicy.All I could think of is WHY? Why would you do that, even worse why would you do that to my eyes? As he walked through out the small room of the barbershop, my mind just went into overdrive with a lot of unanswered questions.

Why was one of the barbers at the barbershop today wearing UGG boots? Not the real UGG boots, but the cheap imitation ones you can get from Walmart and Payless.
Why do I get my hair cut at the most ghetto shop in St.Louis, where it operates as a bar/club and barbershop simultaneously.
Why do people in St.Louis follow the dumbest trends? Ex. Beer bottle caps on the end of braids and cornrows.
While on ghetto ish, how do u spell "finna"? Finna as in - I'm finna go to the store. Is it fina or finna?
Why do black people call Chop Suey restaurants "The Chinamen"?
Why does there have to be a crackhead, alcoholic, prostitute etc. in every family? Stop fronting like ya'll don't at least have one.
Why in the winter time do white people wear everything but a coat? They will wear a hat, scarf, gloves, but no coat.
Why is my cousins' name Tanaka? Honest to GOD
Your girl don't like me? How long has she been gay?
Why is my dad so country, that he fries catfish in the kitchen wearing a leather jacket and hat?
Why are some people so cheap that all of their ketchup and mustard come from fast food restauraunts?
Why do some people pay more money for their car note than their house note?
Why do people get their own names tattooed on their body?
Why do people steal grocery carts from the supermarket?
How come people can memorize every line of the movie Friday, but can't memorize the Our Father?
Why do people get airbrushed shirts of family or friends that pass away? Ex. R.I.P Lil' Pooky.
Why does it seem like welfare recipients are always buying a birthday cake with their EBT card?
Serena WHY In the HELL would U do this?

I said it must be ya ASS cause it AIN'T yo Face!

Tuesday Testimony

2005-11-15T23:10:00.000-06:00

Today was a typical Monday, shitty weather, shitty attitudes, and shitty people. I'm sure you get the point. While at work, I spot one of my co-workers reading a Cosmopolitan magazine, one of the headlines read 36 New Tricks To Turn Him On, and another reads Sex Trends Worth Trying. I thought to myself where is the Gay man's guide to dating and sex.

I am 23 years old and I've been on this earth as a gay man for 16 years (I knew I was gay at 7), and to be honest I am still learning to accept who I am. I am not out to a lot of my friends, not even my parents. One thing I know is that a mother knows her child, she knows I'm gay, but I still haven't come out. It's pretty lonely staying in this closet. I think me not being out contributes to me being ignorant about a lot of things when it comes to homosexual dating, life, and love.

When I was 18 my family got its first computer. We had AOL, which would ultimately become my learning annex of gay terminology and lifestyle. I remember the first chat buddy I ever made, his name was BstonJones. I met him in the M4M Steamroom on AOL. He instant messaged me with Top or Bottom. I had no clue what that meant, so I just responded with a nice hello. We talked a lot over a couple months. Over those couple of months I learned what top and bottom was, what chaps were, terms like fem, bear, twinkie, and rimming etc. Thank U BstonJones.

I am probably at the most confusing and lonliest state in my life. I have dated females, kissed females, had sex with females. While my dick was in them, my heart wasn't with them.

I still knew I liked dudes, but I thought I might be bi. Eventually I just learned to personally accept the fact that I'm gay. I yearn to share that first kiss with a man (Although I kissed I boy when I was 12). There is so much I have yet to experience.

I have never sucked a dick. I don't even know how.
I have never been to a gay club.
I have never kissed another MAN.
I don't know if I am a Top or Bottom.

My lack of experience always makes other gay guys question my sexuality. Whenever I talk to a dude online, I'm always hit with the question, "How do you know your gay if u have never had sex with a man before?" "Are u just bi-curious?"I find that so odd, in high school I always felt I had to prove my masculinity more than the next man because I was gay, but I never thought I would have to prove I was gay to another gay man. Being black can be hard in itself, but being gay as well, is sometimes just too much. It seems like gay men are pickier than women. I get tired of visiting sites like Adam4Adam and the Gay Chatroom on Blackplanet, where everyone post pics of their dicks and ass. Why can't I just meet someone at the mall or the grocery store like straight people do. Oh I know why, because you just can't assume everyone is gay the way we assume everyone is straight in any given environment.

I just wanna be FREE, free to be me and live my life. I didn't choose to be gay, it is just the life that chose me.

Trick Love The Kids.......But I Don't!

2005-11-12T01:25:00.000-06:00

This week has been pretty trying. I have a horrible cold, I sound like Harvey Fierstein, my check was a measly 83.00 dollars this week, which is just enough to buy only 1 Lacoste polo, but on the other hand the haircut I gave myself has been getting a lot of compliments, and the waves are looking official if I do say so myself.

My half sister and my 2 nephews and niece came to visit this week, always a pleasure seeing them but after the first 2 days I'm ready for them to bounce. Those kids are outta control. I come home from work from an exhausting and bad day, only to be greeted at the door by my 10 year old nephew saying, "They found my sex book!" I'm thrown off for a sec, because I don't own any porn magazines of such. Then it clicks, my Dave LaChapelle books ( a Christmas gift from my best friend). Pissed, I immediately spot my books on the living room floor, the pages are creased and seem to have grease spots on them. I quickly grab my books up off the floor in anger, and retrieve to my room to calm down. Before I step foot in my room, I open the door and notice a diaper on my floor with the #2 in it, and some of the shit is actually on my carpet. Apparently my niece has a habit of taking off her own diapers. FFFUUUCCCKKKK. Now I'm pissed off and go yell at my sister asking her wassup with the shit on my floor and why is it still sitting there.

She spats some lame excuse blah blah blah, FUCK IT! I will clean it up myself. After scrubbing for 45 mins, I still wasn't satisfied with the way my carpet looked and smelled, so I immediately went out to buy a huge rug to cover my carpet. I'm now out 50 something odd dollars and I have come to the conclusion that I really am not a person who loves kids.

To be honest I am so sick of people and their kids. Its like I can't escape them, they are everywhere. Sitting next to me on a plane, eating across from me at restaurants that are for bottles of Cristal not bottles of milk. I am tired of seeing 4 year olds sucking on pacifiers and tired of seeing kids the age 5 and under that can sing "Shake That Laffy Taffy" but they don't know the theme song to Sesame Street. Kids are cute to look at it, but that's where it stops. If I want to be annoyed and aggravated, I'd go on a date.

--- --- - - ---- -- -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meet Your New Mommy Bitches!

This bitch is straight up crazy. This bitch needs some DICK in her mouth and pussy PRONTO!!!! If you are confused on who this chick is, check out this clip .

Looka Like A.....

2005-11-09T15:48:00.000-06:00

Clay I just read ur Looka Like A... post (brilliant by the way) and noticed that you forgot one.

Ricky of Noah's Arc

Looka Like A........
Sommore

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

2005-11-06T13:36:00.000-06:00

Being young and single is suppose to be a time of self discovery, a time of a fun, a time to catch up with old buddies at the VD clinic. Being single has become a headache and just a showcase for me to prove how can I embarrass myself once again.

It's Friday night in St.Louis, what are you going to do? Well you can either go to one of the 10 clubs in the whole city, go to the Eastside and watch strippers with cigarette burns flaunt there overworked coochies, go to the movies, go to dinner, or stay home. I chose to stay home , partly because I'm tired of seeing the same faces everywhere I go and I'm broke of course. So I'm settled in, got my Chinese food and Will and Grace, I'm all set.

It's around 10:30 p.m. when my cell starts ringing, I look at the area code and notice a 973 area code, it's Nas, my first love. first kinda-sorta-boyfriend, first of the first. Nas had a new dude now, but we still remained friends.We had been talking on and off throughout the week, so the call should not have surprised me, but it did. I hesistantly answered the phone. We did our usual formalities, "Whaddup", "I'm Aight", etc. Nas asks me, "What are u doing tonite?" Me being my cool self, starts blabbing and nutting up, not wanting to admit I was being a lame and staying at home.. I get up off the bed, feeling antsy, as I walk towards my dresser, I trip over my big ass Timberland boot and drop the phone. I try to play it off unsuccessfully and sit my ass back down on the bed. Then we start talking about me moving to N.Y, I pick up my remote control and start twirling it up and down, as I tell him about my job search. I'm in mid-sentence and mid twirl as my remote control bashes my right eye and somehow scratches me. By this point Nas is wrapping the convo up and telling me he would call me once he got home. It's Sunday, my eye hurts, and I have yet to hear from him.

He made me nervous, do u think he noticed?

Face Off

2005-11-05T00:06:00.000-06:00

Alright, I just got done watching R.Kelly's Trapped in the Closet Chapter 6-8, some dumb ass shit right there. Rose the nosy neighbor..........*scratching my head* Ok, so I'm watching the video and see a familiar face, its Michael K. Williams. A lot of people may know him as Omar the homothug on HBO's The Wire. At first glance dude may not be attractive, but he has something that makes him sexy. He is Remy Ma's favorite character on the show and he is also in Sharissa's (fake ass Mary J Blige) video "I Wish I wasn't in Love with a Thug".
Is it the scar, his thug appeal, his demeanor, his smile, his acting abilities that make him sexy? He probably isn't attractive by stereotypical standards of beauty,.but dude is hot. The scar works for me, sorta like the same way Seals's work for him, and he married a freaking supermodel.

Is This The New Face Of Sexy?

Spare Change Anyone?

2005-11-04T00:37:00.000-06:00

Ok so it's officially back to reality. I had hella fun in New York, and spent all my hard earned money on overpriced shoes, sneakers,clothes, and food. I am dreading going back to work Saturday, I know its going to be bullshit on top of bullshit. Today I looked at my bank account, and its officially, in the double digits. Then I looked at my closet and admired my new pair of exclusive sneakers, and the price tags still hanging from my clothes at the Sean John store on 5th Ave, I smile to myself, and think you only live once.

I tend to manage my money very well...so I think. My bills are always paid on time, I don't have any outstanding debts, I pay my taxes, but my bank account is looking sad. Time to take action, so in another attempt to evolve and improve myself, I'm going to get serious about looking for a new job. There is no reason that I should be this unfulfilled professionally with a fucking college degree, so therefore I am dedicating tomorrow/today to look for a new job A.S.A.P. I have too many habits and vices to support, and besides that I like my money where I can see it, on my feet, back, and legs.

Day 2-4 (I Heart N.Y The Final Chapter)

2005-11-02T23:15:00.000-06:00

I just recently got back from favorite place in the world New York. I am sad to say its back to reality for me, but I had the best time. I was there for 4 days and instead of doing 4 separate post, I will just summarize the top moments of my trip in no certain order.

Sitting on the famous steps of Carrie Bradshaw's (Sex and The City) apartment.
Standing next to Helen Hunt at a stoplight in SOHO.
Eating at The Pink Tea Cup.
Going to Harlem. Harlem was another world, there was like a hustle on every street corner.
Seeing Times Square
Shopping at the Sean John store on 5th Ave, I bought hella shit..crazzy
Getting hit on by the guy at Magnolia Bakery, mad cute.
Dropping my Sean John bags and almost seeing them get ran over by 3 taxis.
Eating at The Cafeteria, super trendy and good food.
Learning that most restaurants in New York don't give free refills.
Going to The VH1 Soul concert at B.B King.
Sitting on the subway next to the most chocolate, delicious man I have ever seen in life.
Noticing piles and piles of trash on every other street corner.
Almost being stampeded trying to get out the subway.
Getting back to the hotel room after 2 a.m every night.
Finally realizing there is no place like home, I still Love New York though.

Day 1 (I Heart N.Y The Final Chapter)

2005-11-01T22:54:00.000-06:00

Before stepping off the plane in New York, I made sure my jeans were properly tucked in my Timbs and my black NY hat was strategically tilted to the right angle. As we step off the plane, I am greeted by a drab, cold, almost ghost like airport, called Laguardia, not at all what I thought. I thought it would be crowded with busy New Yorkers, not today I guess. The weather isn't the greatest on this Friday afternoon, its pretty chilly and gray outside, but we decide to make the best of it. We get to the hotel and change clothes for the VH1 Soul concert at B.B. King. where Jaguar Wright, Keke Wyatt, and Kindred Soul are performing. Finally I'm in New York, granted our hotel is in Queens, and the nearest bus stop is a few blocks away, but its New York all the same.

We hop on the M60 bus (which would become our regular routine) and head to the subway. We reach our destination, and my Timbs are walking on the sidewalk pavement in New York City in Times Square. I look up and see billboard after billboard, I'm in New York, finally, the city that never sleeps, the city I have wanted to live in since 6th grade, the city where Hype Williams has used the backdrop of in a numerous amount of his videos, I'm here. I take a minute and compose myself, so I won't look too amped and silly. We walk around, eat, and kill time before the show. As we are walking, we notice a long line outside one of the buildings. I wonder aloud, "What's that long line for?". Then I see that the building reads B.B. King, SHIT! I forgot that the concert sitting was first come, first serve. So we hop in line, behind 3 neo-afrocentric chicks. The line becomes even longer during a rather short period of time. We finally get in, there are not alot of seats left, but we find a good standing spot to post up on.

I notice how attractive a lot of the people in the crowd are, and my eyes begin to roam around the room. Somehow I lock eyes with a brotha at the bar. He looks to be about 5'11 maybe, medium brown skin, a brown checkered blazer, with a t-shirt underneath, jeans, and black shoes. He gives me a nod, I politely smile, can't do too much since I'm with my friends. Finally, the show begins, and Keke Wyatt performs first. I wasn't really sure if I would know any of her songs, since the only ones I knew of, were the ones she did with Avant. She came out, and I was shocked at how much weight she had lost, she looked damned good, in a pink blouse and blue jean mini skirt. I couldn't stop staring at her, and when she opened her mouth to talk and her country accent came out, I was hooked. She completed her set, and got a good round of applause, she did her thing.

After Keke performed, Kindred Soul came out. I was kind of excited to see them, even though I only knew one of their songs "Far Away". They were excellent and had good chemistry, I guess since they are married, it helps. The husband was mad cute, I still don't know his name, but they made a new fan that night. Finally, Jaguar Wright came out and performed. I am not the biggest Jaguar fan, but I liked her collabos she had done with The Roots and Jay-Z. She sang, but I'm not sure as to what she was saying, she even admitted on stage that she didn't even know what she was saying. What I liked most about Jaguar's performance was how real she was, she called Philadelphia radio vee-jay Miss Jones out, it was hilarious. Her performance may not have been my favorite, but her personality was.

The concert ended late on a high note. We were hurriedly exited out the building, because there was apparently an afterparty being thrown after the concert for another event. We got back on the subway, where I sat in between a cute latino dude and a guy who kept trying to sell me a pair of socks. I was excited to sit down, after standing for damn near 5 hours, and headed back to Queens. Exhausted I climb under my cheap Poly and Ester sheets and drifted to sleep.

To be continued...............

On.& On

2005-10-26T22:09:00.000-05:00

Well I just got done watching Noah's Arc, im hella mad its only 30 minutes long. I guess beggars can't be choosers, so I won't complain, but I will say for some reason the acting seems forced sometimes and feels like im watching another book turned into a stage play,"Mama I wanna Sing", "Shirley Don't Eat The Last Cornbread", or "A Good Man is Hard to Find and Keep When Growing Up in The Hood."

Anyhow I leave for New york in 7 hours, and I haven't packed shit yet. Im getting nervous about going now. I feel like a country hillbilly going to the big city, but im excited. So on that note, everyone have a safe and blessed remainder of the week.

Over and Out

The Good Ol Days

2005-10-26T00:16:00.000-05:00

I remember in 1st grade, when my friend Terrel stuck his tongue in my ear...and I liked it..lol

I remember in 2nd grade when I was drinking from the water fountain and one of the boys came from behind me and pretended to do me in a doggystyle position..i liked that too..lol

I remember the summer when I was 12 and I made out with the cute mixed boy with good hair.

I remember when I was 14 and playing catch a girl get a girl, and getting my big black peter sucked.

I remember being 14 and going to a summer camp and one my fellow cabin mates telling me he would fuck me if i was a girl...I remember being confused but flattered...

I remember my biggest worry being what I was going to wear to school on casual day.

I miss when the teenage mutant ninja turtles and the thundercats were my heroes.

I miss watching Video Soul Top 20 countdown, and taping my favortie videos (Am I the only one that did that??)

I miss the simple days of love notes, Will you go with Me? Check Yes, check no, check maybe.

I miss having a red finger from mixing sugar and red kool-aid in a plastic bag.

I am now 23 years old, things aren't that simple anymore. Things ain't all that bad either. I saw an old classmate yesterday, while I was at work, and I explained to her, that this was just a temporary job. Her reply was, "As long as you are happy." Well I'm not, but I'm ok.

Floating on Noah's Arc

2005-10-23T12:30:00.000-05:00

My weekend has been the usual, work work, work, and a little more work, but on my down time this weekend, I have been watching the same episode of Noah's Arc on my TiVo. I think I may be borderline addicted to it. I know everybody has already blogged on this topic, but so what damn't...lol..When I first viewed the show, I was a little upset, because the lead character was feminine, they used the terms ho, bitch, and girl too frequently, and the show perpetuated a few stereotypes. As I watched it for the errrrr.....6th time..I decided to just enjoy it for what it is, entertainment. Im just really captivated by it, and this is really the first all black, gay show on television if I'm not mistaken. The music is good, the cast is pretty good as well.

Another reason I am probably addicted to Noah's Arc already is because I'm still learning about myself, about being gay, and the whole world of it. I am currently not in a relationship, so I think I enjoy watching the show, due to the idea of what could be. I'm evolving searching for a reflection of me, searching for myself period.

In other news, I hear Cam'ron was shot in an attempted carjacking, one time in each arm. I'm not Cam'ron's biggest fan, but I don't wish death on anyone, get well soon bruh.

Everyone else enjoy what's left of your weekend, Peace and God Bless. (damn I sound like Russel Simmons)

Kanye West Doesn't Care About Gay People?

2005-10-19T11:11:00.000-05:00

Everyone should be familiar with the television gay network LOGO. Tonight is the premiere of the all black cast comedy-drama Noah's Arc. Apparently Def Jam doesn't want to release Kanye's music to the show, for fear of being associated with gay programming.

Patrick-Ian Polk the director of Noah's Arc

"Apparently, Polk tried to clear Kanye West's music and "got flat out rejected by the label," the director said in a statement. "I'm a fair person, I get that and a lot of times these requests and things don't make it to the artists. But he needs to check his people because that's not cool. The black gay community, and even the white gay community, are big Hip-Hop fans, so they're missing out on a big market by being short-sighted."

I would think that Kanye West would be the last to turn his back against gay people, especially after his MTV interview.

"When I was in high school I got called 'fag' a lot because of the way I walked and other little things," West told MTV's Sway during the interview. "And what happened was, it made me kinda homophobic, cause it's like I would go back and question myself, my own feelings.
The Louis Vutton Don later added that after discovering that his cousin was gay, "it was kinda of like a turning point when I was like, 'Yo, this is my cousin. I love him and I've been discriminating against gays.' Not just in Hip-Hop. Not just Hip-Hop, but America just discriminates. And I wanna just get on TV and tell my rappers, tell my friends, 'Yo, stop it."

If Mr.West is aware of the opportunity that was presented to the Def Jam label, and is aware of their decision, than that would make him an hypocrite, so let's hope he had nothing to do with this decision.

If so what's a metrosexual, tight jacket wearing, puffy-cheeked chipmunk to do?

I was going a different route with this post in its previous version, but something didn't feel right about it. Needless to say....

I Love U Kanye!